Reflexions on what has passed and what will come

Ok we are officially on New Year's Eve!! Yey? I guess this calls for a retrospection of the past year and an evaluation of what I want for the following year.

Well, I kind of have a hard time defining the year that has just passed. It was... exhilarating, blissful, frustrating, enlightening, childish, annoying, difficult, easy, amazing, painful, enriching at times and empty at others. Each moment has its label, each memory has a different emotion attached to it. And so we grow and we evolve. This year has not been perfect, but that's because life is not perfect and we are not perfect. The only thing we can do is make the most of it and live without any regrets. And I think I have accomplished that this year because there is NOTHING that I regret (except maybe for one drunken night, but even that is debatable because, hey, I learned a lot about myself!).

So what do I want for the next year? Hmm tough question... I'd have to say that the thing I need most right now is balance. I need to figure myself out (and find the answers to my Things I Need To Figure Out list), and find a balance for myself. For the past year I have focused too much on relationships and not enough on myself. So I'd like to dedicate the following year to being egoistical, self-centered and a well rounded person. I want to start drawing again, I want to get back in shape (well that sentence is not actually correct since I never was that much in shape), I want to tackle the books on my To Read list (I know I have a lot of lists), I want to start writing again. I suddenly find myself with a lot of time on my hands and this is good. I have been running for time almost continuously for the past year (or at least the past 6 months). Now I want to take the time to do something with myself. I never fitted the housewife with 3 children running around bill and I think I never will. So might as well embrace that and embrace the person that I am and that I could be, that I want to be. Balanced, independent, knowledgeable, artistic, self-sufficient. Because while it may bring a lot of joy to live for others, you can only be happy when you live for yourself. And if I may quote the honorable philosopher Bunny, "Love is overrated". So I'd like to propose a toast to circuits and wires and neurons!

Happy New Year everyone!

Dizzying, spiraling, going full circle

Lesson Number One

Creeping slow, I'm at peace because I know it's ok to be afraid.

Mea culpa or Possessions and loans

I've been away for far too long. Initially I was looking for something I never found. Actually I gave up on the search from the beginning. I gave up on too many dreams, I find. I settled too easily. And maybe I'm writing this now because I feel down in the drains and probably I'll disagree with myself tomorrow, but right now I feel like I made too many bad decisions in my life. Like I never think my decisions through and then I just make the most of the situation I put myself in. I did that with IB, I'm doing it with my university degree, I'm doing it with my life and the people in it. And in my few moments of lucidity, when the small voice at the back of my mind tells me what I should have done, what I should do, I just muffle it with self reassuring thoughts that I should wait and see, that maybe I'll end up liking what I'm doing, that maybe I'll end up being loved, maybe. I'm so tired of maybe. For once in my life I want to stop doubting. For once in my life I want to know where I'm going and who's coming on the ride with me (if there is anyone who would to begin with). This is not what I wanted. I'm so tired of being alone with my mind. It's so exhausting to live with yourself, especially when your thoughts drive you to the edge of paranoia and of sanity altogether. I miss my best friend. I feel like as life goes on, I become more and more isolated and alone. Everyone makes choices and moves on, everyone advances with their life. But I'm stuck on this road, surrounded by a crowd that I don't know and about which I don't care. Unable to move forward, but unable to go back. And I oscillate between caring and going insane, and total indifference to everything. I want to care because that is the human way to live. But caring brings me to thinking, and thinking paralyzes me. I know what I should do. It's like taking off a band-aid. At the beginning it will sting, but afterward all will be alright. But what if? What if? What if? What if? What if? I'm thinking with my heart and that brings disastrous results because facts get mixed up with desires and hopes get mixed up with disappointments. I'm tired. So tired. I wish I could sleep. Sleep is good. You don't think when you're sleeping. You don't wonder, you don't doubt, you don't regret. You can dream, but if the dream is bad, you can wake up. You can't wake up from life. But I wish I could. Realize I'm still a teenager with a blank page in front of me. People keep telling me how young I am and how I have all my life in front of me. But I feel like I'm running out of time. I can't keep searching for myself until I'm 30. I can't keep begging for love until the end of my life. Is there even such a thing as love? Maybe there's a first love and all the rest are disillusioned searches for that which was lost. An innocent carefree smile is what I want. A smile that is not mine. A smile that will forevermore be someone else's. A presence that I only have on loan. I'm tired. So tired.

Take my breath away

It's been a long time I know and this hardly makes up for it, but gooooodddd I love this song!! There's nothing like it in the world to make you want to jump someone (well not just someone, a particular someone....no, I'm not talking about Tom Cruise).

Le Vide

Je suis une personne influençable. J'ai deja parlé du fait que je me retrouve au stade estetique de ma vie, stade où toute decision, toute conviction, toute passion est éphemère. Rien ne dure plus que quelques journées et ces états passagers sont inévitablement influencé par mes lectures, mes discussions avec mon entourage, les films que je vois, bref, mon quotidien. Ceci étant dit, la reflexion suivante est une conséquence directe du livre Le vide par Patrick Senécal que je viens de finir. Comme le titre l'explique si bien, l'auteur pose un regard pessimiste et très cynique sur notre société. Nos vies sont vides. Et ça nous rend malheureux même si on ne s'en rend peut-être pas compte tout de suite. Il y a les gens qui souffrent et qui subissent, qui essayent de s'en sortir et qui n'y arrivent pas. Et puis il y a les riches, pour qui tout est un jeu accompagné par la façade qui lui permet de continuer. Mais ce qui nous lie tous, riches et pauvres, heureux et misereux, est le vide. Les mensonges qu'on se raconte à tous les jours pour pouvoir continuer. La tête qu'on tourne lorsqu'on voit le mendiant dans le métro. L'indifference qu'on éprouve lorsqu'on entend parler des guerres et des morts. La fascination morbide pour la douleur des autres. Les analyses psychologiques et philosophiques des livres et des films, des photos et des histoires, des spectacles et des conférences. Tout pour essayer de trouver un sens. Tout pour denicher un indice qui nous prouverait que nos vies ont un but, une utilité quelconque, qu'on est plus que juste une erreur statistique ou, si on préfère, l'aboutissement de l'adaptation d'une chaine évolutionnaire. Pendant des siècles, ce rôle a été rempli par la religion. On est ici parce que Dieu a decidé ainsi et la discussion s'arrêtait là. Mais avec l'avancement de la science, notre dieu se mourrait sous nos yeux. Chaque nouvelle étoile, chaque nouvelle molecule, chaque nouveau fonctionnement physiologique que l'on découvrait, portait un coup de plus à la divinité chancelante jusqu'à tant qu'elle s'effondre. Dieu est mort et c'est nous qui l'avons tué. Mais maintenant, qu'est-ce qui va le remplacer pour remplire le vide qui menace de nous consommer tous? La science? Penant longtemps on l'a cru. Mais la science amène une bien piètre consolation puisqu'elle explique le comment et non le pourquoi. Et pour cette raison on cherche une solution miracle qui sera compatible avec la science qui a envahi notre monde, mais qui comportera la souplesse et la flexibilité de raisonnement qui venait avec les croyances réligieuses. La mechanique quantique et la rélativité réunies sous une même théorie. La théorie des cordes de la vie. Des réponses logiques qui viendront tout seules, qui résoudront le mystère de la vie et qui donneront un but à nos vies errantes. Pourtant ces réponses n'existent pas. Parce que, comme Sartre le disait si bien, notre devoir dans la vie est justement de nous trouver un but. Et il faut qu'on le trouve par nous-mêmes parce que la vie ne vient pas avec un but d'office. Mais ceci n'est pas une tâche facile. Lorsqu'on comprend que les possibilités qui s'offrent à nous sont infinies, limitées seulement par nos jugements et les limites qu'on s'impose à soi-même, on commence à se perdre devant la multitude de chemins qui nous entourrent. Lequel prendre? Lequel est mieux? Lequel je veux prendre? Lequel je dois prendre? En fait, il n'y a même pas de chemin tracé. Juste un champ qui s'étire à l'infini partout où l'on regarde. Et à cause du fait qu'on vit en société et qu'à chaque moment de notre vie on est encadrés par des règles et des normes de conduite, on trouve cette liberté totale deconcertante. Et beaucoup se perdent en cours de route. C'est tellement plus facile de s'occuper d'activités superflues et superficielles. Et c'est vrai qu'on oublie souvent qu'il y a plus que juste la vaisselle ou le voisin qui nous fait chier ou le gars qui nous fait de l'oeil dans l'autobus. Pourtant, dans le livre de Patrick Senécal, on semblait indiquer que la seule façon de remplir le vide était avec des activités altruistes. Et je ne suis pas d'accord. Le vide existe, c'est vrai. Mais on n'est pas obligés de sauver le monde pour se sentir vivant et pour être heureux. Et le paradoxe est que plus on vient d'un milieu aisé, plus le vide se fait sentir. De la façon que je vois les choses, pour être heureux, il nous faut une quête que l'on poursuit toute notre vie et avec un peu de chance, on réussira à l'atteindre avant de mourir. Lorsqu'on meurt de faim, notre quête est de survivre d'un jour à l'autre. Ça dicte nos actions, notre mentalité, nos désirs, nos rêves. Notre chemin est tracé dans la haute herbe du champ infini et on le suit sans flechir. Cependant, lorsqu'on a tout ce que l'on peut demander, lorsque toute l'herbe du champ a été complétement rasée et l'on peut se promener à notre guise partout, on finit inéluctablement par érrer d'une place à l'autre sans aucun cap précis. On saute d'une colline à une autre, sans jamais arriver à une destination précise. Les gens cherchent le bonheur dans les fêtes, dans l'alcool, dans le sexe. On pense qu'on vit pour ça. Et peut-être que pour un temps ça marche. Mais on finit toujours par voir l'inutilité, le vide. En fait, je sais pas pourquoi on vit. Je cherche toujours. Et je pense pas que quelqu'un réussira un jour à trouver une réponse miracle. Parce que la réponse n'est pas la même pour tout le monde. Chacun doit trouver sa propre réponse. La seule chose qui fait peur est la possibilité qu'on ne la trouve jamais. C'est dans ces moments qu'on commence à regretter la réligion...



I used to believe. But somewhere along the way, I lost the capacity of blind faith. My rational mind cannot compute the existence of a being without any proof. And even when you have proof, there's still room to doubt. There's always room for doubt. And why should I believe in God? Why God? Why not Allah? Or Buddha? Or Krishna or Shiva? Or Zeus and Poseidon and Hades? Or Isis and Horus? Or no god at all? Either one god, be he christian or muslim or hindu, or a whole hoard of them, comes back to the same thing because there's as much proof for one as for the other (aka none). And random rant here, I just noticed that as I was typing the last sentence, the spelling corrector identified the words muslim and hindu as being wrong because I didn't capitalize them (no idea why not christian). But I find that weird. Why capitalize religion? You don't see us capitalizing physical concepts or names of molecules. Mechanics, dynamics, thermodynamics, quantum mechanics, relativity, string theory, black holes, supernovae, carbon dioxide, methyl benzoate, brain, neurons, glial cells, vena cava, aorta, mitochondria, adenine-tri-phosphate, enzyme, heart, hemoglobin, oxygen, hydrogen dioxide, photons, all these things that explain our origins and KEEP US ALIVE, and, unless they have been named after the scientist who has discovered them, none of them is capitalized. What has religion brought us except an easy, miracle answer to things we don't understand? An answer that avoids us the pain of having to think and to look deeper than the surface. People keep talking about the good things religion has done such as humanitarian aids and education. Of course, at one time, when christianity first came to be, when the concept of charity didn't exist, it might have been useful to tell people that an invisible man was watching them and that he would punish everyone unless they kept a good conduct. But this mentality is not relevant anymore. We now know how to be charitable and socially involved for the betterment of all humanity without needing the motivation of an angry god who will send us all into the fires of hell if we do otherwise. The child has grown and he now needs to face the fact that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Plus, if you help someone out and you do it because of your religion, because you are afraid of the consequences if you act otherwise, because you think that someone is watching you, then your act doesn't have the slightest value anymore. I know that it sounds very Kantian, but the fact remains that generosity should come from the inside, not from an external god. And if there is a god out there, there is only one single question I would want to ask him: if I am a good person but I refuse to believe in you, would you still send me to hell? If the answer is no, then I have nothing to be afraid of. If the answer is yes, then you are not a god worth believing in.

What makes life worth living?

L'épopée d'une soirée d'été

La lutte est ardue et les minutes sont longues. Les secondes de l'horloge comptent chaque battement de son coeur pendant que la tension monte peu à peu. Cette mission ne doit pas échouer. Cette mission n'échouera pas. Il s'en est bien assuré. Ses mouvements sont lents et calculés pour attirer le moins d'attention possible lorsqu'il traverse le long couloir désert qui le mènera à son but final. À chaque étape de l'opération il ne peut s'empêcher de penser aux risques associés à ses actions. S'il se faisait prendre les conséquences pourraient être bien graves en effet. Mais cela n'arrivera pas. Il avait dépassé depuis longtemps le stade de novice et sa connaissance parfaite des lieux lui assurait un avantage net.

Il effectua une manoeuvre délicate pour passer la première porte dans le silence absolu, mais l'anticipation grandissante le rendit hâtif. La porte craqua. Argh, ces vieilles portes en bois! Il resta immobile pendant quelques secondes, scrutant le noir pour la moindre indication qu'il a été découvert. Mais rien ne vint. Il laissa échapper un soupir de soulagement. Tout n'était pas encore perdu. Lentement, il se dirigea vers la seconde porte.

Ça y est! Il était si proche! Il poussa l'obstacle qui se dressait devant lui et l'objet de sa convoitise et il se retrouva dans une pièce très sombre et remplie d'étagères. Maintenant venait la partie la plus difficile. Il fallait trouver dans le noir et sans faire de bruit. Mais où pouvait-ce bien être? Sa main ridée tâtonna ses alentours jusqu'à ce qu'il encontre un contenant métallique et rond. L'adrénaline pompait à toute vitesse à travers ses veines et il commençait à se sentir comme un jeune garçon à nouveau. Toute cette attente, toute cette anticipation, tout arrivait à une fin. Il se trouvait enfin devant l'objet de ses désirs.

Il sortit son arme avec détermination et la brandit sur sa victime insouciante. La cuillère pénétra le tissu lisse et ferme sans aucune difficulté et il la ramena avec satisfaction à sa bouche. Ahhh il n'y avait rien de meilleur dans ce monde que de la crème caramel! Pendant un bref instant, il s'arrêta pour se demander ce que sa femme et sa petite-fille diront le lendemain lorsqu'elles apercevront ce qu'il restera de la pâtisserie fraîchement préparée. Mais cela ne dura qu'un instant et il retourna à son délicieux tête-à-tête avec ce morceau sorti tout droit du paradis. Ni la menace du diabète, ni son taux de sucre qui devait être au plafond ne pouvaient plus l'en empêcher maintenant. Et puis qu'importe ce que dit le docteur? On n'a qu'une vie à vivre après tout, non? Et c'est si bon de la crème caramel...



How do you want to live your life?

Mothers

What are the things that you regret not doing the most?

Boo!

I'm baaack! Didn't take long now, did it? Hahaha, however I'm not writing this post to talk about my absence or what it has brought me, and even less to explain my future plans. That shall come soon. This post is here to celebrate (a bit late) the wonderful holiday of Halloween. And while I'm at it, I'd like to present to you Jack and Flashy (ignore the cat...that's just plastic), my fabulous creations (with a touch of humility I must admit I had help...).


I have to say I've never been much of a Halloween fan (might have something to do with my culture) but this year I decided I was going to have fun. So I carved pumpkins (and dragged some poor souls into my folly), went to an improvised Halloween party (which consisted mostly of dancing on Shakira songs....man my abs were hurting at the end of the night!) and cooked (partly ruined) Halloween deserts (only on this occasion can you end up turning whipped cream into butter....not kidding at all!). The only thing I didn't do was get dressed. Oh well, there's always next year :D.

The only sad thing that I find is that with every passing year, there are less and less people going trick or treating (though I have to admit that when there's snow outside, you rarely feel like dressing up and going to freeze your ass off while you go knocking on people's doors), not to mention the diminishing number of decorated houses (you can barely find one on every block). However, there'll always be some things that never change like the following house which I never fail to visit every year. These people must spend thousands of dollars on Halloween decorations every year.


And with the passing of this event, we are brought into the month of November. This month is very special for me, because in exactly 20 days, I will turn 20 years old. I shall no longer be in my teens. And even thought this is an occasion for me to roll into a little ball and cry over the injustice of the aging process, I still think that this is a good opportunity to take a look at my life and put it in perspective. Because when all is said and done, I wish I could be a better person. I wish I could help others more. I wish I could be less selfish. I wish I could spend more time with those that I love. I wish I could be more efficient. I wish I could free the words and the shapes, the contours and the colors that are locked somewhere deep down inside me. I wish I could be a better student, a better employee, a better friend, a better daughter, a better lover. I wish I could tell everyone how much they mean to me. That's why I decided to dedicate this month (or in any case the next 20 days) to the people who count for me. So I'm taking the risk of sounding like a teenager leaving a message in someone's graduation album (but in a sense isn't that what turning 20 is like? Graduating your teenage years and moving on to young adulthood). This goes to all those who have been enduring my character in the good times as well as in the bad ones. This goes to those who have shared my laughter as well as my tears for the past couple of years. This goes to my family and my friends, to all my loved ones.

Conclusion

Today, on October 10th, this blog reaches a new stage of its development. Today marks one year since Eyes through the glass has come into being! Wow j'arrive pas à croire que ça fait déjà un an que je debilite des inepties sur Internet hahaha! And yes, the only reason that sentence was in French is that I liked how it sounded....which proves my point even further. But coming back to the subject on hand (yes I still have trouble staying on topic), the coming of this event has led me to evaluate exactly where I stand with this blog and what I have accomplished with it in the past year. Though, I do feel that accomplished might be too strong a word to describe what I have done with this thing. Anyway, leaving semantics aside, what I'm trying to say is that I feel like I have strayed from the initial purpose of this project of mine. For thoroughness' sake, I will quote part of my introduction (which was also my first post):

"So this blog is a place for my thoughts, my reflexions, a general conversation with my mind before I chuck myself into the psychiatric asylum, or if you will, a sort of diary since I don't really expect anyone to read through all this."

I am dying to make a comment about the last part of that sentence, but I shall refrain because this is not the time nor place for bitterness. In any case, I initially envisioned Eyes through the glass as a more reflective or poetic product. But it seems like I can't separate myself from my feelings and my frustrations and, let's be honest, there's nothing poetic about a whiny girl in her late teenage years. And there's more music here than actual reflections (and the songs might be deep sometimes, but mostly they're not). This blog is becoming too hétéroclite as the French would say. And while it represents me in the purest sense (because I can be deep, but most of the time I'm not), I need some structure and some organization. However, I do know myself and I know that I'll never be able to keep my rants out of my posts. No matter how many efforts I'll make, there will still be one in two posts containing stupidities, nonsense and whining.

And for that reason, I am creating two new blogs. One for my circuits and one for my blood pumping vessel. One that I can be proud of and which would truly be a work of art (and where I'll probably post once a month hahaha), and one where I can dump all my frustrations, my impulses and my rants (and where I'll post almost daily -_-). In a sense, I find this decision of mine ironic because, some time ago, I went to a conference where the speaker was talking about how fragmented our society is and how we separate emotions from reason and from will. And how, on the contrary, we should try to integrate every part of ourselves, rational and non-rational, into our existence. And here I am, doing the exact opposite. Blah, maybe in a year I'll create a new blog where I'll recombine everything. All I know is that right now I need a separation, maybe to help me find a focus in my life and to reconnect with the different parts of me. And for that I need structure. Maybe I'll still post here, maybe not, I can't tell. I did have a little project that I wanted to do for my 20th birthday which is coming in less than 2 months and which I might post here though.

But I guess this is pretty much it. This is goodbye. This is the start of a new beginning.

The Breakup

Somebody please tell me
Where can I find
The final resting place
Of my poor heart.

Give an add in the paper
Call the police
Missing wife has abandoned
Her dear husband tonight.

Believed to be dead
Of too much despair
Said wife has been buried
In an unknown place.

Searches have been deployed
To find the lost grave
Husband is desperate
To have his emotions restored.

This body is empty
Since you have died
Dear heart why have you left me?
Why did you break apart?

Shocking news
For the entire world
Teenager killed herself
Leaving this note:

“Emotionless husband
I have answered your request
I can no longer bear to live
In a body that is divorced.
Here’s my solution
To your long strive
If one grave cannot be found,
Dig another one to reunite husband and wife."

Ok let me explain. No, I am not suicidal. This is a poem I wrote about three years ago (I wasn't suicidal at that point either). And I find it appropriate in the sense that it is the exact opposite of what I'm going to do. I've been ruled by my emotions for far too long and this has got to stop. I vote for a separation of mind and heart. I vote for keeping reason and logic firmly into place and for burying emotions somewhere deep underneath. This is my resolution for the next year.

My Chemical Romance - I Don't Love You

Bittersweet Symphony

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
From one day to the next
I can't change my mold

So what?

Monument historique ou logements sociaux?

Dans un article du journal Métro, on parlait du fait que l'archevêché de Montréal voulait démolir une église du quartier Hochelaga-Maisonneuve qui avait été fermée au public à cause du non-respect du code de sécurité pour construire à la place des habitations à loyer modique ou une résidence pour personnes âgées. Et pour une fois de ma vie, j'étais impressionnée avec une action de l'église catholique. Je me disais wow, on va vraiment démolir une église pour faire des logements sociaux! C'est génial!

Par contre, que vois-je dans la prochaine parution du même journal? "Le comité de sauvegarde de l'église du Très-Saint-Nom-de-Jésus est très choqué". WTF?? Les gens intéressés pourront lire l'article, mais je voulais juste souligner à quel point la situation est ridicule. Je ne me prononce pas d'habitude sur les sujets d'actualité, mais quand je vois des absurdités de ce genre je ne peux pas m'en empêcher. Donc laissez-moi exposer la situation en gros.

Il y a une église où plus personne ne va parce que ça signifierait y laisser sa vie. Et l'archevêché de Montréal veut la démolir parce que, soyons honnêtes, elle ne sert plus à rien et en plus elle coûte de l'argent à entretenir. Et le maire de l'arrondissement et je ne sais plus quel comité bidon veulent l'en empêcher parce que cette église représente supposément un monument historique (bon pas pour l'instant, mais ils veulent le classer comme tel) et qu'on ne peut pas écarter la possibilité de lui donner une seconde vie (il est aussi question d'une orgue qui vaudrait quelque chose en monnaie sentimentale).

Et tiens, tiens, vers la fin de l'article, on parle du sujet qui nous intéresse vraiment. L'argent. D'après ce qu'on dit, l'entretien de l'édifice couterait moins que le fait de déménager l'orgue (si on y tient...) et les frais de démolition qui s'élèveraient à environ 1,8 M$. Bon peut-être. Mais ce qu'ils oublient de mentionner est que si on veut restaurer l'église (pour qu'elle arrête d'être inutile...ça sert à quoi d'avoir un monument historique si on ne peut pas s'en approcher?) ça va coûter 2,6 M$. Bon bien sur, dans tout ça, on ne mentionne pas quel sera le coût de la construction des HLM ou de la résidence pour personnes âgées, ni qui supporterait ce coût. Mais, disons, disons que ce projet n'est pas rentable (ce dont je doute), alors pourquoi on ne le mentionne dès le départ? On n'a qu'à dire, écoutez pour le moment on n'a pas les fonds nécessaires pour ça et ça nous revient moins cher de juste entretenir la place jusqu'à tant qu'on trouve une autre solution. Maaaiiiissss noooonn! À la place on monte sur ses grands chevaux et on présente des projets de restauration pour qu'après les gens puissent aller écouter une orgue dans une autre église moyenâgeuse. On n'a pas assez d'églises à Montréal ou quoi? On n'a pas assez de monuments? On pourrait faire quelque chose de vraiment utile pour la société, mais à la place on s'acharne sur la culture. La culture ne sert à rien lorsqu'on n'a pas de toit pour abriter sa tête de la pluie.

1000 Suns beats 100 Suns

Ok do this little exercise and tell me if you notice anything.

First listen to The Catalyst by Linkin Park

Then listen to The Requiem also by Linkin Park



Now listen to This is War by 30 Seconds to Mars

Finally, listen to 100 Suns by the same fabulous 30 Seconds to Mars



I know right? Plus, ironically, Linkin Park's new album is called A Thousand Suns. I mean, don't get me wrong! I love both bands and I'm not pointing fingers, but this is waaaay too obvious to not be noticed. Unless, duets like these and mentions of the solar system are the newest fad in music, I don't know how else it could be explained (of course the blame would fall on Linkin Park since their album came out later....but even then, considering how much time they take to make an album, such a thing doesn't mean much).

And if I may give my personal opinion, Linkin Park did it better...

Ego

Why do I always have to come back to you? I feel like I can't stay put. Like I'm trapped within the limits of my own skin, like I want to run as fast as I can, until I collapse from exhaustion. You've made your way insidiously into my mind and it kills me to have you as an ulterior motive or motivation for everything that I do. My heart flutters at every car that passes by, at every passenger getting on the metro, hoping against hope that it's you, that I'll get a glimpse of your face. That maybe, just maybe, for the smallest instant I'll get the chance to wrap my arms around you and get lost in your scent. That maybe you'll smile for me again. But it's all in vain. And every second drips by at the speed of water evaporating in the middle of a snow storm. Time stands still, and even though it hasn't even been a week, it feels like a century has passed. I miss you. I need you. I'm pathetic. That's what my ego tells me every morning when, strangely enough, the thought of you is what gets me out of bed at 7 AM. My ego tells me that I can't crack. That, no matter how much I want it, I can't beg you to see me like I begged you to tell me you loved me. My ego tells me that I've cracked too often. That I need you to make the first step in order for me to know that you actually care. Do you?

Firsts

God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfought
It can't be outdone
It can't outmatched
It can't be outrun
No

God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfought
It can't be outdone
It can't outmatched
It can't be outrun
No

And when I close my eyes tonight
To symphonies of blinding light
(God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
Oh)
Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky

God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
For the sins of our hand
The sins of our tongue
The sins of our father
The sins of our young
No

God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
For the sins of our hand
The sins of our tongue
The sins of our father
The sins of our young
No

And when I close my eyes tonight
To symphonies of blinding light
(God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
Oh)
Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky

Like memories in cold decay
Transmissions echoing away
Far from the world of you and I
Where oceans bleed into the sky


Lift me up
Let me go (x10)

God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfought
It can't be outdone
It can't outmatched
It can't be outrun
No

God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfought
It can't be outdone
It can't outmatched
It can't be outrun



Funny story. I heard this song on the radio about two months ago and I fell in love with it. But afterward, even thought I looked desperately for it, I couldn't find it cause I didn't know who sang it. And today, a friend tells me he bought the latest Linkin Park album and makes me listen to their new single. At first I didn't recongnize it, but while relistening to it at home i had a revelation! IT WAS LINKIN PARK!! God it doesn't sound like Linkin Park hahaha!

But what amazes me most of all is the fact that no matter how much this band changed over time, it still remains special to me. I don't know how to explain it, but there is a first for everything and, most importantly, there's a person with whom you experience it. Fist kiss, fist love, first friend, first book, first boyfriend, etc. And well, Linkin Park was my first when it comes to rock music (though after listening to this song you wouldn't believe it, but it's true....I guess you could *emphasis on the could* compare them with Metallica, in the sense that they softened up over time). And for that reason, they will always remain special...as will all my firsts.

You've got mail

I can't explain it as beautifully as Meg Ryan, but it is weird how true that can be. How can something as insignificant as a few words on a dusty screen have such power over your heartbeat?

Somnoroase Pasarele

Hahaha I had completely forgotten this poem! God I used to love it when I was in kindergarten!

Somnoroase pasarele
Pe la cuiburi se aduna,
Se ascund in ramurele -
Noapte buna!

Doar izvoarele suspina,
Pe cand codrul negru tace;
Dorm si florile-n gradina -
Dorm in pace!

Trece lebada pe ape
Intre trestii sa se culce -
Fie-ti ingerii aproape,
Somnul dulce!

Peste-a noptii feerie
Se ridica mandra luna,
Totu-i vis si armonie...
Noapte buna!


Noapte buna dragostea mea

Quote of the month

"De greul negrei vecinicii,
Parinte, ma dezleaga
Si laudat pe veci sa fii
Pe-a lumii scara-ntreaga;

O, cere-mi Doamne, orice pret,
Dar da-mi o alta soarte,
Caci tu izvor esti de vieti
Si datator de moarte;

Reia-mi al nemuririi nimb
Si focul din privire,
Si pentru toate da-mi in schimb
O ora de iubire...

Din chaos Doamne-am aparut
Si m-as intoarce-n chaos...
Si din repaos m-am nascut,
Mi-e sete de repaos."

Mihai Eminescu - Luceafarul

Lumea asta pare plina de...

Alice was right, Vama Veche does have a song for every possible situation you could encounter (except maybe stress before an exam hahaha). Anyway, despite everything, it makes me happy to hear this song. I guess I just love it too much.

Cosmic symphony

"La matière de l'univers procederait d'une symphonie de cordes vibrantes."

Brian Greene

J'aime l'idée comme quoi nous sommes une symphonie avec une musique primordiale qui pulse dans nos veines, une musique cosmique cristallisée et solidifiée en atomes, molécules et cellules, en organes, en corps et en sociétés, en planètes et en étoiles, en systèmes solaires et en galaxies. La toile du temps et de l'espace qui joue un concert pour l'éternité.



Bon maintenant parlant de façon moins mystique, ce que tout ça veut dire est que selon les dernières théories trouvées par les physiciens pour expliquer notre Univers se trouve la théorie des cordes (ou plutôt des supercordes... version améliorée et enrichie de vitamine C et de glucosamine de l'ancienne théorie). Alors selon cette théorie, tout ce que l'on voit autour de nous, à la base, n'est pas des électrons, des quarks, des photons ou des gluons (bah en fait si, mais ça revient un peu à dire que le monde est fait de molécules de glucose et d'hydrocarbures...c'est pas faux, mais c'est incomplet comme réponse). La matière de l'univers serait composée de minuscules cordes qui seraient à peu près de la longueur de Plank (10 à la -33 cm) et qui vibrent selon différentes fréquences. Et c'est cette vibration qui donnerait leurs propriétés aux particules qu'on observe dans la nature. C'est génial non? On est tous en train de vibrer constamment. Peut-être que mon prof de physique des ondes n'était pas tellement à coté de la plaque quand il racontait sa blague du gars qui demande à une fille si elle veut savoir sa longueur d'onde hahaha!

Mais bon je sais pas trop si cette théorie fait du sens ou pas. J'ai pas fini de me renseigner là-dessus, mais elle semble un peu trop tirée par les cheveux. J'ai pas regardé la mathématique derrière ça (une chance, parce que je risque de faire une commotion cérébrale après juste 2 lignes), mais ce qui me chicotte le plus c'est l'histoire de la longueur de Plank. Parce que, voyez-vous, un des plus grands problèmes de la physique théorique des dernières décennies était la réconciliation de la théorie de la relativité générale d'Einstein qui explique la force de gravité et le mouvement des astres, et la mécanique quantique qui décrit le monde des particules subatomiques. Et lorsqu'on combine ces deux théories, qui chacune est capable de décrire avec une grande précision les phénomènes de son propre domaine, eh bien c'est la catastrophe et plus rien ne fait de sens. Et pourquoi? Deux mots: principe d'incertitude (bon trois si on veut compter le déterminant). Le principe d'incertitude dont j'ai déjà parlé brièvement auparavant stipule que lorsqu'on descend à des grandeurs subatomiques, on ne peut pas mesurer la position et la vitesse d'une particule parce que la mesure d'une grandeur a pour effet de changer la deuxième. Et ceci s'applique aussi (ce qui nous intéresse plus dans ce cas) aux champs. On ne peut pas mesurer l'intensité d'un champ et son taux de variation. Et donc, ça implique que lorsqu'on prend une superficie d'espace et on l'amplifie jusqu'à tant d'arriver à des grandeurs subatomiques, et plus précisément, à une superficie avec un diamètre de la longueur de Plank, l'espace devient un lieu très instable à cause de ses fluctuations (petite explication est nécessaire ici: l'espace est baigné de champs qui sont liées à la toile d'espace-temps et dont on ne pourrait pas se débarrasser. Même le vide contient des champs avec la seule distinction que ces champs auraient une intensité zéro...et étant donné que dans le subatomique le principe d'incertitude est roi, une valeur de zéro ne veut rien dire si elle peut fluctuer d'un instant à l'autre tant que la moyenne reste autour de zéro bien sur). Donc l'espace-temps lisse, calme et uniforme d'Einstein devient un tourbillon d'incertitude lorsqu'on considère des petites grandeurs, rendant ainsi les deux théories complètement incompatibles (bon je ne vais pas rentrer dans les détails de pourquoi on voudrait mélanger les deux théories, mais ça a rapport avec le Big Bang et les trous noirs).

Et donc, comme par magie, la théorie des cordes élimine ce problème en mettant une fin à l'amplification qu'on peut faire à l'espace justement à la longueur critique?? En d'autres mots, c'est comme s'il y aurait une résolution maximale à l'espace (comme une photo qu'on agrandissait trop et qui devenait floue à cause du nombre insuffisant de pixels). D'une certaine façon peut-être qu'on est juste trop habitués à entendre que dans le monde de la physique tout est infini et toute limite paraît artificielle. C'est peut-être juste une conséquence de mon éducation. Mais la conclusion est que je la sens pas trop.

The unforgettable Garcea

Hahahah laughing is good for one's health, even when it is this stupid! God I used to love this guy when I was a kid. Still do, I have to say :D





- MOOAAA, mi-am furat ceasul! Scoate ceasul ca ma omor firar dracu!!
- Stai ma, nu da in tine! De ce dai in tine?
- Ce faci ma, tii cu infractorul??



Ce sa-ti spun, uni este bogati si mananca si fraierii stau pe strada. Pai ce eu-s fraier, n-am inteles? Stau pe trotuar...



Te-am tocat
Esti vinovat
Regreti acum
Ca m-ai vazut pe drum
Si-atunci cand
Te-am arestat
Nici dracu nu te-a mai salvat!

Early autumn

L'automne a toujours l'odeur des nouveaux débuts. Comme si à chaque 1er septembre on renaît et un nouveau cycle commence. T'es un poussin dans sa coquille attendant pour éclore. Et t'as peur. T'es franchement terrifiée de quitter les murs de ton nid douillet. Et t'as juste besoin que quelqu'un te prenne dans leur bras et te dise que tout va bien aller. Que tu es aimée. Que peu importe ce qui arrive, t'auras toujours une place où retourner pour pleurer ou rire ou tout simplement regarder le temps passer. Que quelqu'un a besoin de toi tout autant que toi tu en as besoin et que tu ne seras jamais seule tout au long de ton périple. Que quelqu'un s'occupera de toi et te ferra rire pour effacer tes larmes. Des fois je regrette de ne pas avoir un grand frère. Oui, je pense que j'aurais beaucoup aimé un frère.

On a side note, how do you get rid of the feeling of being unwanted and disposable? Cause right now I feel like a paper cup. Sometimes reusable, but always forgotten in the trash bin.

Emotion vs. Reason

Ironically, this applies very often. It's like having two bulls in your head and each one is running head straight into the other...yeah, there's no better way to end up with a headache.

Kaka Maka

S-a terminat, am consumat, dracu ne-a luat!
Bugetul e-n galeata iar tara-i scufundata
[...] Asta-i jungla de la noi, fara lei dar cu multi boi.

Hahaha one thing that I love about Romanians is that even when the country is on the edge of a precipice, they can still laugh about the situation (and point fingers of course!)

Quote of the month

Wow for once I'm actually on time!

Initially I wanted to post something from Nietzsche (ironically, the quote ended up there anyway purely by accident). But then I felt the need to share a bit from a person who is very dear to me and who has shared her existence with me for the past 3 years, with who I've been through the happy, crazy moments as well as the suffering of exams and the frustration of being a student. This goes to Thea! Iubire o sa-mi fie dor de tine si de umorul tau. These are a few quotes from her Facebook page and also some of her own words that I got first hand.



He who has a WHY can deal with any HOW.

Nietzsche

When you need a helping hand, look at the end of your arm!

Pour la carotte, le lapin est la parfaite incarnation du Mal.

Robert Sheckley

Intellectuals today are "like blind men discoursing of colours".

Il faut allier le pessimisme de l'intelligence à l'optimisme de la volonté.

Romain Rolland

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny.

‎Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

Crazy people are the most happy and funny ones.

Stress, as everybody knows, is the ratio between the force and the cross-sectional area.

Lots of green physics and chem problems sitting on a wall, lots of green problems sitting on a wall; and if one green problem should accidently be solved...

In some situations, it's stupid to hope, but if it makes you happy... why not?

Un rêve transformé en réalité, c'est un autre rêve.

The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Day by day, what you do is who you become.

Daca, dupa multi ani, te decizi si arunci ceva ce nu ai folosit demult... Nu vor trece nici trei zile si vei avea absoluta si urgenta nevoie exact de acel obiect! (Legea samibagpiciorul)

Mereu sunt doua filme bune pe doua programe diferite la televizor... dar mereu la aceasi ora. (Legea isibatjocdenoi)

Orice corp omenesc scufundat intr-o vana facand o baie relaxanta cu spuma face sa sune telefonul! (Legea cinedracusunaloraasta)

Hi my name is Bond... Covalent Bond!

Why do bears dissolve in water? Because they're polar.

Ce fac 5 Olteni intr-o barca sparta?
- Mai fac o gaura sa iasa apa.

Cum se numeste penitenciarul de maxima securitate din Craiova?
- AlcaPraz...

Un ungur, un francez, un american si un roman mergeau cu vaporul. La un moment dat vaporul se scufunda si unul dintre ei spune:
-Ba io m-arunc, zice americanu....LONG LIVE AMERICA!! Si sare....
Sare si francezul....VIVE LA FRANCE!! Si se arunca..
Sare si romanul....TRAIASCA ROMANIA!! Si il impinge pe ungur in apa....

Banc cu terorist:

Salutam cu rezbect, jefu.
Aderizat laRomania cu bomba la valiza ascuns, dragutz fara broblem control la aerobort. Pastrat dolar american blestemat, bentru construit aigea bomba, dat jumadate la taxi, jumate furat tigan din buzunar.
Indalnit frate Ahmed, batron magazin, ajudat la mine. Discutat cu el la cafenea plan bomba, consumat egler broaspat, intoxicat cu zalmonel, noi ajuns la sbital, doctor roman durut la cur.
Jefu, gu bomba praf antrax nu putut facut la Romania , deci ingercat plan bomba cu bum-bum...!
Mutat apartament frate Ahmed, adus mult frumos aminde de tara mia, fara apa la robinet. Urmarit emiziune explozia camion.
Urmarit emiziune explozia camion azotat, facut frica la mine. Astia romani are tupeu nu gluma! Trebuie recrutati, jefu! Bomba cu azotat mare efect aveam...
Inderesat pilotat avion bentru lovit gladire la roman. Vazut delevizor, aparat zbor MIG brabusit singur in ogor la taran, plus roman stricat singur gladire, adormit beat, tigara abrinsa, murit soacra, facut chef mare la ei...
Draga Jefu, gineva furat la mine gas pastrat bentru bus la bomba, iar azeara, gind iesit cumbarat baclava, exblodat budelie la barter.Aicia la Romania , mult cretin! Zbierat, zguibat la sin, cacat be mine de frica!
Jefu, ma indorg acasa! Asta romani nu are nevoie de terorism, face singur treaba noastra.

Bula in armata.
- Bula, ce este patria?
- Nu stiu.
- Esti prost. Vasile ce este patria?
- Patria este mama mea.
- Corect. Bula ce este patria?
- Patria este mama lui Vasile.
- Idiotule, patria este si mama ta, ai inteles?
- Inteles.
- Ce ai inteles?
- Ca sunt frate cu Vasile.


Pure Thea:

In teorie, intr-o bucatarie ar trebui sa ai o singura bucatareasa si cativa sclavi.

O sa murim!

Miroase a menta.

5 piases ma fille!

Balita, Balita, Balita!

CE??!!!

O sa reflechisez asupra acestui fapt.

Hai sa-ti povestesc planul meu de tonerre.

Pregatiti-va sa fiti umiliti!

Merdouille...

Ra ra, ra ra ra

O baba batrana cu braul de lana

Self-destructiveness

Ever feel like saying screw you world, tonight I'm getting wasted and I just don't care? Well weirdly enough it feels quite liberating....the not caring part, not the drinking until you start to puke part hahaha. And on a lighter note, school is OVER!!!! YEAH BITCH!!! And the funny part is that I'll probably go running to the library on the first chance I get hahaha. I'm such a dork.

Why women cheat?

Mircea Badea poate fi cam papagal uneori dar, totusi, ma face sa rad de fiecare data.



Ok Mircic and you know what women think because of course you have a lot of female friends who have made you their confidant right? Sure women cheat because of sexual attraction, but that's a very simplistic way of seeing things. There can be so many reasons why it happens: revenge, insecurity in a relationship, a want for new experiences, but mostly (as far as I see it) a need for a thrill that is no longer present in a relationship after a while.

Personally, I think that the best part of a relationship is gone by the time the two actually become a couple. The beginning phase when you are just getting to know each other, when you don't exactly know where it is going, it has this delicious uncertainty to it that makes it almost irresistible. Which is strange because usually people don't like uncertainty, but, in this case, it is tinged with just a bit of hope, thus making the experience even more exhilarating.

And then there's the flirting. I really wonder how many married couples still flirt. I mean sure you do it when you're in bed and it's leading to something. But the pure innocent flirting that is almost constantly present when two people who feel a mutual attraction get to know each other, the sexual tension that is building up, that feeling no longer exists. It gets replaced with mundane conversations about your day at work or at school, arguments and resentments that accumulate over time or simply silence. And it really is a shame because there lies half of the fun.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, there's the fact that as time goes by, guys start taking their girlfriends or their wives for granted. Ha I remember one of my exes saying when we broke up that it felt weird because he got used to me being his girlfriend. And what can you say to that except a "yeah thanks for turning me into a piece of mental furniture" (the guy is really cool and he's a really good friend of mine now, but that doesn't mean it's pleasant to hear something like that)? At the beginning of a relationship, men don't know if they'll get you or not, so they pay extra attention. They make you feel special. They'll spend an entire day folding paper in order to impress you. They'll text you to tell you goodnight. They'll send you an email just to let you know that they're thinking about you. But after a while you start wondering if they're even thinking about you when you're not there anymore. I know that might sound very needy and clingy, but let's put it this way: every day for a month you give a kid a piece of candy. Then, you only give him candy once a week. And then once a month. And then you stop. And then the kid will stop one day and wonder where his candy went. It's pretty much the same principle. You get a woman used to being the center of your world, you put her on a pedestal and then you leave her there to gather dust. Of course she'll feel abandoned and frustrated and that she'll look for that attention somewhere else. As pathetic as it might seem, that attention makes you feel powerful and once you have it, it becomes like a drug and you start craving it.

In essence, I would say that those are the three things that would make a woman cheat. Now that doesn't mean that just because she is lacking them she will do it. Life is pretty much a collection of chance encounters and opportunity plays a huge role in this case. However, there is also the question of personality and if a woman will let herself act on her feelings while knowing the consequences of her actions. Now THAT is an entirely different question!

The fluidity of the human body

Just like the choreography.

Curaj gaina ca te tai

Vezi mai multe peTeava.ro

50 de litri de lapte sau carnica? Hahahaha!!! Cand esti cu cutitul la gat faci orice miracol. In fine, noi radem, dar e o lectie foarte importanta de tras din bancul asta si anume ca motivatia vine de cele mai multe ori cand nu ai incotro!

The myth of religion: an essay on the absurd

Contrary to what the title might indicate, I'm not going to write a philosophical treaty on the meaning of life and how religion fits into it all (it could be interesting, but I frankly don't have the time right now). This is more of a reaction to an article that I recently discovered (thanks to Facebook yet again...I'm really starting to get impressed). It describes the situation of Chechen women who are abducted at a young age and then forced to marry their kidnappers (it is estimated that one in five marriages occurs like this). And if that weren't enough, dissident young brides are brought to an exorcist who will try to extirpate the "genie" that is planting such ideas into their heads. Now let's take a moment to ponder on that shall we? GENIES?? Seriously?? What else? The tooth fairy is the one who secretly makes us believe that going to the dentist is painful? Elves and garden gnomes are the ones who fill my pool with algae and make the water all green? The world of Harry Potter is real and the latest economic crisis is just another one of Voldemort's clever schemes to rid the world of muggles? Now I know that logic isn't one of religion's strong points (my excuses to the few rational believers out there, I know that some of you are actually making an effort to render religion plausible), but in this case it's really not that hard to tie two and two together (P.S: it makes four!). You force someone to do something they do not want to do and they will not be happy. End of the story. No magical creatures and haunting souls need to intervene. It happens by itself. And the worst of it is that, sometimes, the women themselves are willing participants in this act and, in addition to that, they come back for more even though it is painful. I really have no words for this except for the fact that it is incredible what the human mind can accept when it is placed in extreme conditions.

Here is an excerpt from the article that really struck me:


"The patient was lying blindfolded on her back, wearing a long, flowery robe. Mairbek began yelling verses from the Koran into her ear and beating her with a short stick.

'She feels no pain,' he said. 'We beat the genie and not the patient.'

The woman, probably in her early twenties, was writhing on the bed: 'Shut up! Leave me alone,' she growled.

Mairbek claimed this strange voice belonged to the genie possessing her. He shouted back: 'Take your claws out of this woman. Aren't you ashamed? Go on! Leave her body like you did last time, through her toe.'

With a deadpan expression, Mairbek explained that the genie inside the girl was 340 years old.

He was not a Muslim - he was a Russian man called Andrei and he had fallen in love with his victim.

The genie was so jealous that he made her leave her husband. 'It was a tough case,' he added. This was already the seventh time he had treated this patient.

[...]I asked Mairbek if he always blamed the genies for marital breakdown. Perhaps, I suggested, some women are traumatised by being abducted and forced into marriage or by losing their children?

Mairbek was dismissive.

'We have so many young girls with these problems. I had a patient today whose genie tells her she should divorce, that her husband doesn't love her; that she shouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children.'

'But that's just the genie trying to get its own way and we have to put a stop to that,' he said."


You can find the full article here.

Precious

Probably not the smartest thing I could have done, but I just watched the movie Precious. It's about this overweight and illiterate black girl living in Harlem who is also pregnant with her second child by her father. Oh did I also mention that at one point she discovers she is HIV positive? Talk about life being a bitch! And of course that after watching this you feel like crap times infinity (especially in the state I seem to be lately), but at the same time you realize that your life is not that bad. Of course, some people might think that my life could inspire horror stories or that it is comparable to a concentration camp with the Nazis, but despite everything, I live with people who love me. They're not perfect and there are days when I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could get out of here, but they do care and even if they do complain, they still drive 20 min in the pouring rain at 10:00 PM to come pick me up at the metro, or they still drive me in the traffic when the metro isn't working so that I can get to an interview on time. I can't say that I can count on them every time, but I can count on them most times. I'm going to university and I have a bright future awaiting me. I have friends who I can talk to and who make me forget. Things could be better true, but they can also be worse. I'm a big girl and, no matter what, I'm going to be fine. Always have been, always will be. I just need to learn to take better care of myself. And stop wallowing in self-pity. And stop making myself ill by intoxicating my body (which is always fun as hell, but it doesn't do much to make you feel better afterward). But I'll be fine! Cause tomorrow's a new day and as the days pass, the coldness slowly goes away and I manage to forget the loneliness. Because being happy doesn't mean that there's nothing wrong in your life. It just means that you are able to forget the sadness enough to appreciate a clear blue sky or a smile that is sent your way.

I am a drunken fool

It's weird how at one point you become so confused that you don't even know what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not, what you should sacrifice and what you shouldn't. You realize that you made too many compromises with yourself and reason won over your heart. Or was it the other way around? I don't know anymore which part of me is speaking. There are too many voices shouting in my head and I feel paralyzed. Everything is just so loud. I need to clear my head, but I can't. There are just so many people around and somehow I feel like I'm suffocating.



"Just close your eyes and hold me, no harm will befall you"

God I so wish it would be that simple...

Realism

Kick in the ass is finally coming. Looks like I wasn't a pessimist...just right.

Quote of the month...sort of

Yes late again, but blah. Having to take classes in the summer makes one sloppy and uncaring of etiquette. So sue me!

The idea for this post initially came from the fact that today while desperately trying to study for my finance exam, I got stuck with the song "A Little Piece of Heaven" in my head.



And while this is a nice song by Avenged Sevenfold from a musical point of view, the lyrics do tend to give you a shiver down your spine. And this reminded me of something that I once heard (probably from Bunny, though I really don't remember if it came from him or someone else). It went something like this:

"The most disturbing thing about necrophilia is that there have been enough cases in the world for us to have a name for it."

And it's kind of true. We are so closed up in our own little "normal" world, that we end up imagining that people who would want to have sex with a corpse are rare abnormalities, statistical impossibilities of the type of Ed Gein (another lovely case of a reeeeeeaaaallly fucked up mind). But while trying to see if my fabulous sentence was actually a real quote or just random folk wisdom, I stumbled upon a forum thread on necrophilia. And there was this self-proclaimed necrophiliac who said:

"No, necrophilia isnt a mental disorder per se. The diagnostic criterias in DSM requires significant distress on the behalf of the paraphiliac. Altough necrophilia are a NOS-category so there are no formulated criterias so you have to translate from the other paraphilias diagnistic criterias.

So on what grounds are you claiming that necrophilia is a disorder? Are you using ICD-10? Or just having an opinion on an subject you dont know much about? If its the later i think you should rethink your view on the subject because as i said before even masturbation was seen as an disorder before (as late as 1972 with the book 'Human Sexuality' American Medical Association officially reversed its earlier standpoint that it was an foremost danger to human mental health).

And, im not harming myself and i dont accept your argument. Even (hypoteticaly) if my sexuality made me socialy isolated and so on, got me in prison or even mental institution thats not because of "disorders". It is because of societies narrow minded views on this subject and thats the problem, not me. You wouldnt argue that homosexuals that got in trouble when it was illegal had mental disorders would you?"

And there was one thing that struck me. This person sounded very much like the Marquis de Sade quote I posted a couple of months ago and which went like this:

"My way of thinking cannot be approved you say? Why should that be of importance to me! The one who adopts a way of thinking for others is nothing but a fool! My way of thinking is the fruit of my reflections. It is part of my existence. I am not the master to change it. Even if I would be, I wouldn't. This way of thinking that you blame so is the only solace I can find in life[...]. It is not my way of thinking who makes me unhappy, it is that of others."

So this makes me wonder. Where do you draw the line? What is acceptable and what is not? When do you fall into mental disorders and when is it that society is being too narrow-minded and is imposing conformity on its members. I mean, many things that we have believed in the past to be true are now considered abominations (like homophobia, racism and discrimination against women). And it's arrogant to think that we now live in a perfect society where we have nothing more to learn. But then in that case can we say that anything goes? Should we consider murderers, rapists and psychopaths as just another facet of the diversity in the world that should be accepted as it is? Well, according to Camus, freedom must include murder or it is not real freedom.

Anyway, these are heavy things to ponder on and considering how late it is, my babbling at this hour won't get me any closer to an answer. But there's just one more thing that I want to mention. Now I mean this in the most respectful way possible and my philosophy in life is pretty much that as long as nobody gets hurt, anything goes. But man am I happy that I mostly fit into what the majority of people would call "normal". For one of the first times of my life, I'm happy that I'm just like everybody else. Because, even though I might be missing out on some aspects of life (or maybe not...sex with a cold, unmoving body is not really my cup of tea), I would be scared shitless if I would have to go through the whole self-discovery phase and then try to find a place for myself in society (and fail most of the time). I've seen friends go through it and it does not look like fun. So this post goes to Lily-chan and Cris. The strongest people I know!

Confusion and frustration in modern times

Don't you just love it when what is supposed to be a happy event, ends up leaving you confused and torn inside? And God I'm sick and tired of having to choose between people that I love. It shouldn't be this hard. It really shouldn't. Something's gotta give...on one end or the other. Otherwise the rope will break. And I sure as hell don't want that, but this isn't making me happy either.

Puiu se intoarce acasa azi :D:D. Can't wait!

Fericire

This is just a song by a band that I really love because they always manage to portray life as it is...as it should be. Simple. Carefree. They show happiness for what it really is. A sun ray. A smile. A leaf floating in the wind. A cool breeze on a warm summer night. A hug. Sharing a glass of beer with someone dear to you. Happiness is the small things in life which surround us always.

I want to dedicate this song to my dear friend Bunny who just made my day today (in his weird fucked up way hahaha) and who I miss like hell. I promise I'll try my hardest to relax and enjoy the ride!

Narcissism can be fatal...to furniture

Et qu'arrive-t-il de Narcisse qui s'aime trop? IL MEURE!!! Hahaha this guy is too hilarious. I think I watched that part at least 5 times in a row after I heard it for the first time!

The power of smell

J'ai l'odeur d'un minet sur mon chandail. Ah que c'est divin!

Now we are free

Hahaha not really, but I really love this song (ironically even more than the original version).

No worries, no fear, no stress, no pain, just air filling up my lungs and the feeling of how wonderful it is to breathe.



Acum daca asi putea sa-mi si scot morcovul din fund ar fi genial...

Nu am chef azi

Nu vad care e scopul sa faci o facultate. Din punctul de vedere al integrarii in societate, e drept ca e logic sa ai un bac (cel putin!) ca sa-ti gasesti un serviciu calumea si sa ai impresia ca ai ceva in creier. Dar din punctul de vedere al dezvoltarii personale, facultatea e o pura pierdere de timp. Te specializezi intr-un domeniu si asta te impiedica sa te orientezi spre alte aspecte ale vietii. Asa ajungi cu ingineri care vad doar fizica care tine o cladire in picioare, medici care vad doar organele care mentin o persoana in viata, analisti financiari care vad doar investiti si oportunitati sa-ti cresti averea. De fiecare data cand incepi un nou domeniu, esti inconjurat de un vocabular complet diferit si dupa 5 cursuri de biologie sau de finante, ajungi o clona brainwashata a profesorilor tai preferati. Dar unde ramane deschiderea spre lume? Sau reflectiile asupra evenimentelor care te inconjoara? In primul rand, daca ai vreme sa te tii la curent cu ce se intampla in jurul tau (deja atunci esti un as), nu mai ai energia sau cheful necesar sa le intorci de pe o dunga pe alta si sa te gandesti la consecinte si impacturi viitoare. Ai examene, ai practica, cine naiba mai are timp sa citeasca 800 de pagini despre definitia timpului si a spatiului, sau despre ce este constiinta. Si acum simt ca ideile mi se incurca in cap si totul devine un vag amestec care nu mai are nici un sens. Intr-un sens, este excitant sa cresti, sa devi un adult si sa embrace noile experiente care vin cu cel de-al 3-lea deceniu din viata ta. Dar in acelasi timp, simt ca pierd prea mult din mine. N-am mai desenat de vreun an. Am citit poate vreo doua carti care nu erau legate de scoala in ultimul an. Pentru ca pur si simplu nu mai ai timp. Si imi dau seama ca o sa am tot mai putin timp (inca un motiv ca sa nu faci copii hahaha). Si nici nu are rost sa ma intreb daca merita sau nu pentru ca la urma urmei nu e ca si cum as putea sa ma intorc in timp. Imbatranesc and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Degeaba vreau eu sa raman la 16 ani, timpul trece si nu pot sa-l opresc (si faptul ca in general oamenii ma cred cu vreo 5 ani mai in varsta decat sunt in realitate nu ajuta).

Am nevoie sa ma ia cineva in brate. Mi-e dor de puiul meu!

Anniversary

I'm trying to find the words but they're not coming. I would like to be deep, profound, sensible, poetic. But I have nothing. The days have passed, the months have turned into years and I somehow feel that I should have gained more than a couple of "what if"s. 7 years ago, I started a new life on a new continent, leaving behind friends and family and everything I knew. And if it wouldn't have been for that particular day, I wouldn't be the same person today. I don't know if I changed for the good or for the worst, I don't know how I would have changed had I not moved. All I know is that I gained a lot, but I also lost a lot. And I sometimes feel stuck in between two planes, between two very different worlds and it's sometimes very hard to reconcile them. I sometimes wonder where that leaves me. Sometimes I'm happy, extremely happy where I am, and sometimes I yearn for that which is not part of my life anymore. Despite my best efforts, there are still days when I feel like I'm living in the past. Though, ironically, if I could choose between going back and staying here, I'd choose the life I have now. Because even though a part of my heart is overseas, an even bigger part is here. And I don't think I can give that up...

Quote of the month

The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

Albert Ellis

Doua Anotimpuri

Momentary musing on the meaning of life

Aaaaand here I go again....shit.

Collision is such an ugly sound

Quote of the month

Lorsque je contemple la réalité (ce qui existe à cet instant) j'imagine dans mon esprit comme un sorte de cliché, un instantané, une image mentale comme figée dans la glace, de tout l'Univers maintenant. En écrivant ces mots, mon idée de ce qui existe maintenant, mon idée de la réalité, se réduit à une liste de tous les événements qui, à cet instant, peuplent cette image mentale fixe - le tac de l'aguille de la pendule de ma cuisine qui indique minuit; mon chat figé en plein vol entre le bord de la fênetre et le plancher; les premiers rayons du Soleil illuminant les toits de Paris; le brouhaha à la bourse de Tokyo; la fusion de deux atomes d'hydrogène au coeur de notre Soleil; l'émission d'un photon dans la nébuleuse d'Orion; le dernier souffle d'une étoile près de s'effondrer en trou noir... Voilà les événements qui ont lieu en cet instant précis; […] mais gardons à l'ésprit la complication suivante. Une liste de l'instant présent - la réalité, si l'on en croit cette manière de voir les choses - est un drôle de truc. Rien de ce que l'on voit maintenant n'apparaît sur cette liste de l'instant présent, puisqu'il faut un certain temps à la lumière pour atteindre notre rétine. Tout ce que l'on voit maintenant a déjà eu lieu. […] Par conséquent, aussi étrange que cela puisse paraître, bien que l'image mentale comme figée dans la glace rassemble notre vision de la réalité, notre vision intuitive de "ce qui existe tout là-bas" n'est, quant à elle, constituée que d'événements que l'on ne peut ni expérimenter, ni modifier, ni même enregistrer à l'instant présent. En fait, notre liste de l'instant présent ne peut être réalisée qu'après les faits.

Everything that we see in this instant has already happened.

Brian R. Greene - The Fabric of the Cosmos