Precious

Probably not the smartest thing I could have done, but I just watched the movie Precious. It's about this overweight and illiterate black girl living in Harlem who is also pregnant with her second child by her father. Oh did I also mention that at one point she discovers she is HIV positive? Talk about life being a bitch! And of course that after watching this you feel like crap times infinity (especially in the state I seem to be lately), but at the same time you realize that your life is not that bad. Of course, some people might think that my life could inspire horror stories or that it is comparable to a concentration camp with the Nazis, but despite everything, I live with people who love me. They're not perfect and there are days when I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could get out of here, but they do care and even if they do complain, they still drive 20 min in the pouring rain at 10:00 PM to come pick me up at the metro, or they still drive me in the traffic when the metro isn't working so that I can get to an interview on time. I can't say that I can count on them every time, but I can count on them most times. I'm going to university and I have a bright future awaiting me. I have friends who I can talk to and who make me forget. Things could be better true, but they can also be worse. I'm a big girl and, no matter what, I'm going to be fine. Always have been, always will be. I just need to learn to take better care of myself. And stop wallowing in self-pity. And stop making myself ill by intoxicating my body (which is always fun as hell, but it doesn't do much to make you feel better afterward). But I'll be fine! Cause tomorrow's a new day and as the days pass, the coldness slowly goes away and I manage to forget the loneliness. Because being happy doesn't mean that there's nothing wrong in your life. It just means that you are able to forget the sadness enough to appreciate a clear blue sky or a smile that is sent your way.