Why women cheat?

Mircea Badea poate fi cam papagal uneori dar, totusi, ma face sa rad de fiecare data.



Ok Mircic and you know what women think because of course you have a lot of female friends who have made you their confidant right? Sure women cheat because of sexual attraction, but that's a very simplistic way of seeing things. There can be so many reasons why it happens: revenge, insecurity in a relationship, a want for new experiences, but mostly (as far as I see it) a need for a thrill that is no longer present in a relationship after a while.

Personally, I think that the best part of a relationship is gone by the time the two actually become a couple. The beginning phase when you are just getting to know each other, when you don't exactly know where it is going, it has this delicious uncertainty to it that makes it almost irresistible. Which is strange because usually people don't like uncertainty, but, in this case, it is tinged with just a bit of hope, thus making the experience even more exhilarating.

And then there's the flirting. I really wonder how many married couples still flirt. I mean sure you do it when you're in bed and it's leading to something. But the pure innocent flirting that is almost constantly present when two people who feel a mutual attraction get to know each other, the sexual tension that is building up, that feeling no longer exists. It gets replaced with mundane conversations about your day at work or at school, arguments and resentments that accumulate over time or simply silence. And it really is a shame because there lies half of the fun.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, there's the fact that as time goes by, guys start taking their girlfriends or their wives for granted. Ha I remember one of my exes saying when we broke up that it felt weird because he got used to me being his girlfriend. And what can you say to that except a "yeah thanks for turning me into a piece of mental furniture" (the guy is really cool and he's a really good friend of mine now, but that doesn't mean it's pleasant to hear something like that)? At the beginning of a relationship, men don't know if they'll get you or not, so they pay extra attention. They make you feel special. They'll spend an entire day folding paper in order to impress you. They'll text you to tell you goodnight. They'll send you an email just to let you know that they're thinking about you. But after a while you start wondering if they're even thinking about you when you're not there anymore. I know that might sound very needy and clingy, but let's put it this way: every day for a month you give a kid a piece of candy. Then, you only give him candy once a week. And then once a month. And then you stop. And then the kid will stop one day and wonder where his candy went. It's pretty much the same principle. You get a woman used to being the center of your world, you put her on a pedestal and then you leave her there to gather dust. Of course she'll feel abandoned and frustrated and that she'll look for that attention somewhere else. As pathetic as it might seem, that attention makes you feel powerful and once you have it, it becomes like a drug and you start craving it.

In essence, I would say that those are the three things that would make a woman cheat. Now that doesn't mean that just because she is lacking them she will do it. Life is pretty much a collection of chance encounters and opportunity plays a huge role in this case. However, there is also the question of personality and if a woman will let herself act on her feelings while knowing the consequences of her actions. Now THAT is an entirely different question!

Be a man!

It's very funny how society has a way to get into your head. How stereotypes end up ingrained into your system without you even noticing that they're there.

A couple of days ago, I was taking the metro to go to school and there was this guy walking in front of me and he was wearing this sort of furry black sweater that you could only possibly imagine one of the characters in Legally Blonde to wear. And the thought that sprung up in my head as a reaction was "How gay". And that made me stop and think.

I've always felt uncomfortable when other people used that expression because, one, I find it pejorative for homosexuals and, two, it makes assumptions about stereotypes and about what you should look like if you want to fit into a category or another.

And here I am using it myself. And just to make it clear, while I don't have homosexual tendencies myself, I have nothing against them (I mean I've been going to the Gay Pride for two years in a row now and I have gay, lesbian and bisexual friends). So how did I get here? Three years ago, I went into an incredible furry because I heard someone in school insult an emo and then a friend told me about the "Hit an emo day" circulating on the Internet. How did I go from defender of social justice to a member of society following the unwritten rules and adopting the prescribed stereotypes?

Is that a part of the process of growing up? I really hope not. Is it because of the people I've been spending time with in the past few years? I doubt it, since I always ended up chastising them whenever they used this expression. Maybe their influence was to trivialize the expression in my eyes (a bit like the fact that hearing about war, death and destruction on the news all the time has the effect of making them seem commonplace..."Oh another soldier died in Afghanistan today, ok what else is new?"). Maybe. Somehow, I slightly feel like I'm slipping into the world of 1984 and that my mind is being taken over by Big Brother. Or maybe I'm just a bit too paranoid. Maybe.

But what intrigues me even more is the stereotypes themselves and how they seem to be harsher on men in general. A woman can act and dress like a man, but besides being seen as tough or, worse come to worse, a dyke, it will never be seen as something pejorative (that's another thing I don't get...why is it a lesbian can call herself a dyke, but when anyone else uses it, it's all of a sudden offensive?...anyway going back on topic). However, if a man starts using skin creams and wearing scarfs and bags, he is gay. In a way, I think that this is an indication of the fact that we still live in highly patriarchal societies where everything that exudes masculinity is good (unless it brings to confusion about the person's gender, but that's another story), but femininity can only be displayed in certain cases and even there, with moderation (best example, Legally Blonde). I think that might also explain why lesbians are more accepted in society than gays.

Anyway, and all that has been brought about by a sweater! My mind really overreacts sometimes hahaha.

Plato in Sex and the City

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

When Harry Met Sally

Philosophical question that has been plaguing me for some time: is there such a thing as a platonic relationship between a man and a woman? My initial and immediate answer was, yeah of course, what a question! But I'm starting to wonder now. I have to admit that most of the time I tend to be quite innocent and not see the motives behind people's actions. So far, I can say I have 2 cases proving the phenomenon and around 6 cases disproving it. So does that mean that in those 2 cases I just didn't look far enough to see what was actually there? Is it just my wishful thinking? Are those guys just better able to hide their feelings? Maybe it's a mix of both. But life doesn't always have to boil down to sex. Why is it that you should always want more? I mean isn't the difference between friendship and a relationship just sexual attraction? Ok maybe that's a somewhat simplistic way to put it since when you date someone, you should preferably choose someone that you could stand seeing everyday (if seeing the person two or three days in a row makes you want to run away and hide, then there's a problem...at least that's the milestone I set for myself). But sex still plays a big part in this. And I simply cannot bring myself to believe that every man on this planet could potentially be attracted to every woman on the planet in such a way to avoid a friendship. And the whole "a man would sleep even with a woman that he finds unattractive", I don't really buy it. Unless you're desperate, you still have some filters.

So then what is the problem? Why is it that women can be just friends with men, but that doesn't work the other way around (except in my two exceptions to the rule and thank god for them...and actually you can say that they apply to the rule or not depending on how you look at it, but anyway). I've heard the you're-so-amazing-that-I-don't-want-to-be-just-your-friend tag line and, seriously, that really doesn't cut it. If my personality is so amazing (pfff yeah right!) then let's hang out more often, but that's not an excuse for not wanting my friendship. Blah, in the end, I think I'd rather just keep my innocent outlook of life and that way I'll have an excuse to ignore this inconsistency in perceptions.