Rendez-vous avec moi

Interesting idea, a date with oneself. We prepare nervously for interviews, for exams, for meetings, for birthdays. But never for us. Et pourtant, this is maybe the only meeting that actually matters. Because the only person we could never leave behind, never get rid of, never run from is ourselves. And we shouldn't be late.

The first day of the rest of your life

This video is sooo good! Makes you want to throw your computer out the window and just go out and play!

Retrospectiva zilei

Swirling thoughts going round and round in a dizzying dance full of euphoria and dread at the same time. Here I am on the eve of my 23rd birthday. I'm still young by most accounts. And so old by some. What have I really accomplished so far? I feel like I'm growing more and more estranged from my friends and loved ones. I'm becoming vain, conceited, self-centered. Lost in appearances. Still pursuing perfection and crippling myself with guilt when I can't seem to attain the unattainable. An atheist struck by the purest christian psychology.

I listened to Angels&Airwaves today. It made me think about Bunny. And then North. I really know how to pick 'em! But the fact of the matter is, there was no regret, no pain, no longing. Only nostalgia. For a time when I let myself believe. For an innocence that was lost time and again. I keep telling myself that I don't know what I want, but that's false. I do know. I just don't want to hear it. Because I'm scared. Terrified even. I was never very good at endurance and I think I'm getting tired. I guess it's just a consequence of the continuous battle inside me between the part that wants to grow up and the one that just wants to stay a kid.

So for the kid and the adult in me, here are the songs that I grew up with, one theme for each year since I officially became a "big kid".

 

As a side note, since my birthday actually falls on the official Children's Day, maybe it's appropriate that I spend it like a kid!

Managing expectations

First article in the series of me-trying-to-build-some-discipline. So this morning I was eating an avocado (yeah I know it starts great already, but bare with me here), and as I was feeling the deliciously creamy texture on my tongue, I remembered that there was a time when I couldn't stand it. First time I tried it, it was hate at first sight. And I think that the main reason for that is the fact that I wasn't expecting it. And expectations play a large role in our appreciation of food, people and just life in general. Kind of like getting a flu shot. It's not too bad when you know it's coming. So here's to trying to predict life so you can brace yourself for it! Pfff who am I kidding? We'll just have to learn to deal with unexpected flu shots....


In the spirit of expectations not properly managed, here's my last message: happy birthday asshole!

Yet another challenge

During the course of my so-far-brief existence I have signed up to god knows how many newsletters and webzines that I barely read most of the time (don't we all!). But somehow I decided to read this one and the writer was proposing a challenge for the month of November. Write one or two articles every week. It's all part of this program that forces you to focus on the process instead of on the end result and supposedly it works so much better because it makes you less stressed. Sure why not. I could use a little more structure in my life and a little less stress. Plus I heard that if you manage to do something regularly for 30 days then it becomes a habit. I know I have taken up many challenges in the past. Some I've kept, some not, but whatever the case, the point is to keep trying (dooooonnn't stooooppp! beeelliiiiiiviiinnnggg!!).

So here it is. Two articles per week for the next month. Here goes nothing!

How to survive studies, friends and life in general

More than ever, I have been feeling pressure to be on top of my game both academically and socially. I always knew McGill was competitive, but never thought it would affect me this much. And the net effect of this has been a lot of ups and downs, many sleepless nights and a constant feeling of anxiety. BUT since it is not like me to wallow in self-pity (ok maybe it is, but I'm trying to turn in a new leaf here), I decided to come up with a guide to better help me cope with my new daily existence.

1) Never ever ever think it is a good/feasible idea to plan to study after Blues Pub or any other social activity involving drinking no matter how small the quantity of beer ingested. The nerds of the planet were right when they said "Don't drink and derive" (or program for that matter unless you want to end up with a code that is 1 km long and jam-packed with bugs and hilarious comments)

2) As a matter of fact, unless you are in the company of motivating peers (or impending deadlines), don't plan to study on a Friday period.

3) Stay away from Facebook during exam period. While Spotted might help you feel a little less alone in your strife, the endless pictures/comments about parties that your friends living in residence are attending, will more than overcome the previous effect and leave you hating your lonely, miserable life.

4) Whenever you decide you deserve a weekend off, do yourself and the rest of the world a favor and just don't do it.

5) Baby steps grasshopper. Cause even if you feel like you could totally pull off 3 clubs, 5 classes and tutoring within your first semester in the program all the while still having a social life and seeing old friends, just pace yourself. Like Frosh, it is not a race, but a marathon and drinking a bottle of gin in one hour will only leave you puking all over the place.


Steps 6) to ∞ still remain to be determined... TBC!

Math, my love

Sometimes, even the smartest people need to keep this in mind

Red or Green are two sides of the same apple

Haven't had much time lately to think about anything other than differential equations or electric circuits and nobody really wants to see or discuss that. But I just saw this talk on TED and it hit home so much that I couldn't stop myself from taking the time from circuits to pick it apart. The talk is on jealousy and envy and though it doesn't bring any answers to the question or relief to the problem (other than misery loves company), it is still a very interesting listen.

 

 So here it is. Envy is an integral part of our lives. Though it is frowned upon, at the same time society creates all the necessary conditions for it to flourish. For one thing, we are in constant competition with one another. And the hippie psycho-babble is that we are all special snowflakes and we are not in competition but we actually complete one another. Sure thing. So maybe I'm not competing with every single one of the 7 billion humans on Earth. But I am competing with the other guy interviewing for the same job as me. I'm competing with the other girl who is interested in the same man I am. I'm competing with the other smart-asses in my class for grades because of course we live in an academic system ruled by the bell-curve. And the most insidious competition of all, the one on social status that has been exacerbated and blown out of proportion through the powers of social media. We are more connected than ever, but at the same time, we never felt more alone and Facebook is just another way to ask, no rather, BEG for attention. And this makes us deeply unhappy. I don't know about you, but personally every single time I log on to Facebook I feel just a little bit worse. Because there's always someone who just went to Greece on vacation and posted their pictures or somebody who got invited to a party that you were left out of and now is describing what an amazing time they had. Facebook has become an endless competition to show off. Because as Tyler Durden so eloquently put it, "You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. " Sure there are differences but there is a limit on the number of unique attributes you could have and we are all just a combination of the same ingredients with different concentrations. BECAUSE we are not so unique as our high school professors might have liked to make us believe, because our world is made up of limited resources for an ever-growing population and because we live in a market economy that only rewards the best of the best, because marketing is mostly based on exploiting unfulfilled desires, we are in competition with one another. Ultimately, we have to learn to ignore our natural impulses and the messages society sends us on a daily basis or else live in misery with only Proust and Shakespeare as company.

Chère fille qui a assassiné un gars à la banque, - URBANIA

I have to leave in like 5 seconds (fine minutes, but when you still have to prepare it feels like the same thing), but I just wanted to share this. This girl is amazing. Maybe a bit over the top, but the message is still very valid.

Chère fille qui a assassiné un gars à la banque, - URBANIA

Thought Journal

So I finally did it. After thinking about it for more than 6 months and telling myself I should do it eventually, I finally took a leap. I took time out of my day to think. Yes typical overanalysing behaviour that makes you think about taking time to think. But leaving that aside, I did it! And I think it will be a slow process. So far, my thoughts turned around a salad which became a philosophical discussion about indifference and taking time to adjust to people's differences. Whatever may be the case, I have noticed that belief plays a big role in making things happen (the age-old placebo effect) so maybe if I believe that eventually something good will come out of this, then it will be all worth it in the end. It could be my own personal therapy session. Only instead of having a shrink, it will be conducted by me, myself and I. Further updates to come!

We are happiest at our weakest

So I have a bit abandoned my Flirting with Red Balloons project, but I find this talk applies so well, that I wanted to include it in the collection. It is not a recipe for happiness. It is simply a philosophy of how happy people think and act.

Friday

Sometimes you get the feeling like all your life, all your readings, all your pastimes, they all lead towards one conclusion, one epic revelation. One thought that sparks within the confines of your brain cells like it has always been there. A gentle throb, almost like a heartbeat that you cannot escape without at the same time giving up on life. A brick wall that has always been staring you in the face, waiting for the inevitable collision that you try to postpone for as long as possible. And you run from it. You hide from it. You ignore it. But there is no escape. The harder you push, the harder it pulls you back.

I am talking about the endless quest for meaning. Libraries and libraries have been filled with philosophical literature on the subject and still no answer in sight. Or at least not a pretty one. We all need something to wake up for in the morning. Be it exams or hunger or a cause or a job. But what does it all add up to in the end? Should we live for ourselves or for others? Should we embody goodness and morality or just experience life in its raw form without any limits or concerns for what we leave behind? Does it even matter in the end?

I am sometimes so tired of all this philosophical debate. Everything seems pointless. Pompous. Arrogant. We talk to pass the time. To give ourselves importance. Because maybe that is what life is about. To be noticed. If somebody is thinking about you, then you did your job right. If people like your status or your picture, then you somehow feel like you matter. Within your own little microcosm, you have your time in the spotlight. Even if that means only the one second that it took to press a virtual button on a dusty screen. It is better than nothing. It means that for that one second you occupy a space in another person's consciousness. Our worst fear is not disease nor famine nor war. Anyway these concepts only exist on a theoretical level in our minds. No, it is to be forgotten. Invisible. To die alone of a heart attack and to be found only a week later when the smell makes our physical presence unbearable anymore.

We embody a devil-may-care culture during the day and cry ourselves to sleep like children during the night. We pretend to be strong because nobody wants to see flowers when they are withering away and smelling of decay. We are all so lost that we can only be attracted to idols who inspire us to be better and greater. Does it matter that the idols themselves are nothing but images? Every role model has to crumble once in a while. At least during the intermission. The show can go on afterwards.

We are so scared to make goodbyes final. Nobody says "have a nice life" and actually mean it. It has to be disguised into an "maybe we'll see each other again". Even when there is no intention nor desire to do so. "Let's stay friends". The magic pacifier. Because "I never want to speak to you again" seems so harsh. Still better than "I sometimes forget you exist". Rejection and indifference seem inevitable in this world where the population is constantly growing and the distance disappearing. We are all squished into a tiny room with all the faces blending in together and becoming simply part of the decorum. And there comes the need to stand out. Because your options are to either reject the whole ordeal or to sign the social contract. But the first one is only really there to make you feel like there actually is a choice to be made. There isn't. Nobody can be self-sufficient. Even Robinson Crusoe had Friday. And we all need our Fridays. But Friday only comes once a week.

V. M.

I hate you.
I hate you for making me feel expendable.
I hate you for making me feel like just another anonymous face in the masses.
I hate you for making me doubt my worth.

But most of all,

I hate myself for letting you.
For spotting the charring flames that surround your presence
And still moving closer.
I hate myself for this person I have become.
For forgetting who I am.
For accepting mediocrity.
For resting on my laurels.
For letting my ego be stroked and my vanity take over
While the world passes me by.
But no more.

 

Mai stii?

I don't have much to say. Or better yet, my thoughts are constantly going to a place where I don't want to go anymore and I don't want to make this into a rant. It's a beautiful day. The world is at the tip of my fingers. Life is grand. Anyway, I just wanted to share this little reminder of what we should all as women truly and honestly embody everyday of our lives. This excerpt sums it up pretty well:

"Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest."

  A Daddy’s Letter to his Little Girl About Her Future Husband

Don't lick the knife

When I finished high school, in our last month of classes, my English teacher decided to compile a list of life lessons we have all accumulated throughout the years and which we would like to share as advice with our classmates in order to make sure we are properly set off into the world with at least some principles to guide us through. This was all kind of ironic considering that I went to one of those schools which required an entrance exam and where we had to do monthly reflections on our life and our learning process and how it relates to the grand scheme of things, but I digress. To be honest I don't remember much of that list (I don't even remember what I myself wrote), but there was one advice that stuck, mostly because it was unexpected and overall it seemed pointless.

Don't lick the knife.

Really?? Most people were talking about happiness and taking life with a smile and this one person thought that this was the most relevant thing to keep in mind while we embark on the rest of our lives?? My theory is that whoever wrote it was one of those funny guys who sit in the back, set the toilets on fire and in general don't take themselves too seriously. So maybe it was initially set as a joke, but ironically this is what stuck with me all these years. Why? I shall now share a secret. I.... always.... lick the knife! And whenever I find myself in that position, there is this voice at the back of my head telling me "Don't lick the knife!"

So I think there may be something to take from all of this.

1) People always do what they're not supposed to. I mean it's not for nothing that the longest novel in the history of mankind (aka the Bible) starts with someone breaking the rules.

2) Doing what you shouldn't does not have to have disastrous consequences on your life. You just have to use the right technique.

I guess this might resonate more with me right now because I feel like I've been doing a lot of things I shouldn't have lately. And maybe I didn't always have the right technique and the knife did cut a couple of times. But hey, sometimes you have to push your boundaries in order to know where the limit lies. And no amount of lists and advice can teach you that.

Goodbye business days

Here we are. This is officially my last week as a business student. I've thought a lot about what the past 4 years have brought me and how I've changed through the process and in some aspects I guess I'm doing better while in others it's worse. Somewhere in between my classes and my internships I've become more superficial, more focused on appearances. I've lost some of my curiosity, my idealism. But at the same time, I've grown braver, more adventurous. I've become less afraid of meeting new people. I've partied hard. I've overindulged in alcohol. I've had priceless moments. I've met great people. I've become a cynic that sometimes still pretends to be a kid. I've learned that people can be ruthless sometimes. I discovered that creativity strikes as last minute desperation sinks in. I've learned to hold on to those people who are always there for me and who are close to my heart, but to let go of those who bring about storms and disquiet.

Most importantly, I found out that most times, it's all about the people who surround you. Whether they are in America, in Paris, in Germany, in Denmark, in Romania, in Spain or in Africa, that is what makes your life worthwhile.

Roadmap

So I'm back in rant mode... it's been a while and I really didn't miss it, but this is surely less expensive than seeing a shrink. So here goes nothing.

Technology is supposed to make your life easier and I won't deny its obvious benefits, but between Facebook and text messages I feel like I'm becoming neurotic. Not to mention that I often have the impression that my life is slipping through my fingers in an endless feed of cat stories (ok maybe not cats.... some science stories, some crappy relationship stories, some "inspiring" pictures, some TED talks, etc, etc, etc). As for my phone, I wish I could bury it somewhere and only get it back at the end of the summer. I'm tired of constantly checking it and it's becoming an obsession. Alright fine, I'm tired of waiting for a particular text message which is not coming. There I said it. And maybe it's better off this way and I'll manage to actually keep some pride and dignity now.

On another note, if this is what retirement feels like, then I don't get what people are getting so excited about. I think that the main problem is that I failed to set goals for myself. Life without goals is a boring endless stream of routines and people and places that don't mean anything. I've been on vacation for over a month now and I don't feel like I have accomplished much. I often wonder how I managed to spend an entire summer not doing anything when I was a kid. Oh university what have you done to me?? I cannot seem to just chill anymore.

Step 1: get back to the old drawing board
Step 2: remove all needless frustrations and sources of anxiety
Step 3: spend time with me, myself and I
Step 4: accept the past and all its blunders, accept the way it changed me and made me who I am today
Step 5: take who I am today and make active efforts to become the person I want to be tomorrow (or next year... you get my point)

One thing you can never leave behind

Home is a very vague concept. What is home? Home is where the heart is. Home is not a city nor a country nor a place nor even a person. Home is a feeling. You can feel home at the touch of a cashmere shirt. A smell can make you feel like home. The sight of a brick wall that you encounter for the first time can bring you home. Home is in our heads, in our hearts, in our aspirations, in our dreams, in our desires. Whatever we do, we always tend to converge towards places that we call home. We are always looking for a home. What we don't realize is that home is always with us. So Michael Buble can stop complaining that he wants to go home and just close his eyes and go take a walk.

And now someone can create a drinking game with the number of times I said home in the last paragraph haha!

Summer dreams

So here it is. Summer vacation. Or so I thought. It was amazing for about one evening. Then it all came down. Reality. Decisions. This should be the best time of my life. But it doesn't feel like that. I just feel the contrast between the carefree summer inviting me to waste the day outside and the dark confines of my room telling me I have some thinking to do. There was this quote saying that all college seniors should be given one week during the year to just break down and cry because you're scared and afraid and you don't know what to do. Well I think the week is now. Sometime between the last exam and convocation and grad ball. To be honest I know what I need to do (or at least I have the illusion of control that makes me believe that by following a few easy steps I'll be able to make a good decision). But just starting is quite frankly terrifying. Why? Beats me! This is only the rest of my life that we're talking about.... Someone once told me that I need to grow a backbone so that I can stick to my choices and decisions. They were probably right. However, before I can get there, I have to convince myself that this is the best path for me without the shadow of a doubt. Listen to me.... as though certainty really was an integral part of reality! The only truly certain things in this life are death and taxes and all else is stamp collecting (accounting majors might tell you that even the last one can be debatable). That is why it's so terrifying I guess. You need to close your eyes and take a leap of faith. Damn. I always did have trouble with faith.

Romante si nostalgie

It was a chance encounter. I like to tell myself that I stumbled upon him, but the fact of the matter is that he was there waiting for me. Waiting for my eager fingers and eyes. Waiting for my shallow cover to crack. Waiting for my curiosity to peek under his own cover. I fell in love years ago with a simple string of words. With the nostalgia. With the biting replies. With the sarcasm. And then I forgot. I came back to him on lonely Friday nights. Like the ungrateful lovers he often talks about. Only there to satisfy a moment's itch. Only remembering because of a chance encounter of the eyes. He probably deserves more. More than a dusty shelf in a forgotten library. I probably deserve more than this person I'm becoming. I should probably dig deeper than the same two pages that I almost know by heart by now. The books you read are a reflection of who you are. But who am I if I barely ever read anymore? Maybe it's time I give Minulescu a thorough read. He deserves it. And so do I.

Is this it?

Life is a continual flux. Change. Transformation. A recipe that constantly recreates itself with new components. New atoms, new molecules, new chemicals, new cells, new hair, new clothes, new songs, new places, new people. The only constant is the pattern. And to be part of the mechanism means to accept the rules of the game of transformations. To accept that some things have to be left behind. Why is it that such an integral part of nature is so difficult for us puny humans? Sure, we don't care if we lose an atom or two along the way. We never knew them on a personal level anyway. But when it comes to people and places, the story is entirely different. Saying goodbye never feels quite right. Some don't say it at all. Sometimes, it is simply implied in the structure of the relationship. People grow apart. Letters become brief. Words grow cold. It is the simple natural progression of two lives moving in opposite directions. And as we gain years, we accumulate more and more of these letters written in a hurry before getting back to our everyday life. Letters that feel like a pause in time. And we feel guilty. For not taking the time. For not writing more often. For not putting in more effort to keep this alive. It becomes a chain that we carry around our heart. As we gain years, the chain becomes longer as we leave more and more people behind. Is this what life is about? A growing progression of relationships plugged in to machinery that keeps them artificially alive? Guilt and regrets that weigh heavier by the years? Or maybe I'm holding on when I should just let go?

When life gives you lemons, be sappy!

Here's a round of sappiness. But it's the good type of sappy. It's the hopeful type of sappy. It's the happy type of sappy. So for a small moment in time, let's just be sappy!

 

Decisions, decisions

School and procrastination have been keeping me quite busy these past few weeks, but last night I got inspired and started watching some TED videos. This is an old one by Dan Gilbert (I really love this guy! Funny AND smart! Now if only he was younger and had some hair... oh well!)

The future need not be bleak

We need inspiration more often than we think. So what if it is an emotional response? So what if it is artificially created through images and sounds and specific words that are designed to make us react? If it can push us to greatness, then I am all for it!



Small note: greatness is good, but Nazi camps were not. In hindsight we see that, but in the moment, the line between the two can be blurred. So here's to being responsibly great!

My confessions

Ok so I have something to confess. About a month ago, I liked one of those "Spotted: (insert university name here) Library" on Facebook. Guilty pleasure I know, but it makes me laugh to see the kind of messages that people send each other under the cover of anonymity. That's the innocent part. The scarier part was this morning when for the first time ever I get an unknown text message on my phone (obviously spam) that was very similar to the ones on that page. Coincidence? I think not! Or maybe I'm just paranoid...

In any case, it does make you wonder just how much of your online activity is collected by Google and Facebook in their effort to "better target their advertising placements". Already I'm seeing almost only finance related adds on YouTube (after spending extensive time on Yahoo Finance, The Street and The Motly Fool these past months). Which makes sense considering that YouTube is owned by Google.

What's that there? Oh, just your private life going out the window....

To rule or not to rule... that is the question

This morning I was taking a break from studying for my risk management exam while going over today's Financial Times (yeah I know... some break!). And of course, about a third of the headlines were in relation to the Italian election results. But there was one article that I found particularly interesting in the sense that it was talking about how their political system changed since 1945 and how there are so many layers of government right now that it is almost impossible to take swift action to get the country out of the crisis. And it's true that we see this more and more in various countries whether it's the US, Canada, Romania or others (well I think.... I don't follow governments in other countries much). There are so many political actors that it is almost impossible to reach a consensus. Even in the US where they only have 2 parties, they can't seem to agree unless they have a knife to the throat. So is the solution to simplify the process? To strip down the layers and concentrate the decision-making power? We would have less trouble for sure! But coming back to Italy, the main reason they created this system was to prevent extremists like the fascists from taking over. It's a tradeoff like everywhere else: either efficiency or security, either high return or low risk. Somehow you still wonder if there isn't some magical middle ground that somehow we never considered. Beneath the edges of a cube, there's a sphere waiting to be revealed and a wheel with it.

The social purpose of Valentine's Day

I was thinking about this while walking back home the other day... alone... in the dark... When you're single, Valentine's day tends to suck. Like big time. You start your day good enough. You wake up. You have your coffee. You get ready. You're determined to have a good day. And the minute you walk out the door you're actually in a good mood. You're going to make it! This is going to be a great day! For once that it's actually not that cold... You only make it as far as the metro or the bus. And there they are. Holding hands. Making lovey dovey faces. Making out. IN YOUR FACE! First one's ok. Second one, ça passe. Third one, you try to look away. But by the fourth couple encounter, it starts to wear you down. And from there it's only downhill.

 But in all my dark mood, I realized something. Leaving aside the marketing aspect and the flower shops which make their yearly sales in this one day, Valentine's day has a more social aspect. If people are social creatures and our ultimate purpose in life is to find companionship, then this one day has the ultimate purpose to remind you where you stand and what is still left to be done. All year round you manage to drown that little voice in your head and only focus on the benefits of being single. But this one day gives you a quick reality check and reminds you that you're still not there yet and there's still work to be done. And sometimes you need that slap in the face to wake you up.

 So, if watching people make out in the metro makes you cringe in envy not horror, and it makes you want to lie down and cry not run away as fast as possible, then maybe it's a sign that you should refocus your priorities. Maybe it's time to put yourself out there more often. Sure you'll get your heart stomped on more than you can count. But in the end, it's the things you never did that you regret most and much more than those you did do.

 After the traditional New Year's resolutions, I think this occasion calls for Valentine's resolutions. And here's mine. Figure out what the hell I want. I think with just that I have my hands full for a while.

 

I'd rather be late, but on the right path, than early and heading in the wrong direction.

The feels

For a reason or another, some stories touch you. Maybe it's the music, maybe the special effects, maybe the feels. whatever the case, it worked. 'The Light That Shines' a story for all from InBedWithSue.com on Vimeo.

Et il pleut

Je me réveille ce matin par un temps exécrable de pluie et de vent. Mais en prenant mon café, je regardais distraitement le grand sapin en arrière et le ciel en tumulte qui lui servait de canevas. Ce ciel toujours changeant. Ce ciel me donne espoir. Il me fait rêver. Il me donne envie de m’envoler. Il me rappelle qui je suis. Le bonheur absolu c’est l’espoir. C’est les possibilités. C’est le saut dans le vide. C’est la peur et l’envie en même temps.

Al Pacino looked good in the 70's

I decided that my entertainment choices as of lately had been lacking testosterone, so I finally convinced myself to sit through The Godfather. Yes, every single male on this planet goes on and on about how this is the greatest movie ever made since cave drawings were invented, yet the idea of watching guys shoot each other for 3 hours never seemed appealing to me. Nevertheless, I felt that now it was finally time. So after you get through the first hour and a half, the movie becomes more bearable (dare I say almost enjoyable) and you can start to understand the full scope of the philosophy that the authors are trying to convey. So what did  I learn from this?

1. When you want to get something from people, always make them an offer they can't refuse.

2. Always side with the family.

3. Protecting your family is the most important thing. This can sometimes include getting involved with drugs and killing people.

4. Si tu fiul meu Brutus? aka always expect to be killed.

5. Women are naive and innocent creatures that need to be perpetually protected and honesty is overrated.

Overall, I can't say it was as painful as I initially expected it to be. However, if this is what reality is like (and I have a good feeling it is), then I am only left with this one phrase that has become legendary through the powers of 9gag and facebook: I don't want to live in this world anymore...

Me, myself and I in retrospectiva 2012

E tarziu. Dimineata tarziu. A trecut anul nou. Retrospectiva mea s-a rezumat la 3 secunde de connexiuni neuronale. Nimic liric sau literar. Nu mi-am scris rezolutiile. Nu mi-am terminat proiectele. In momentul de fata, totul suna pompos. Pretentios. Inutil. Ultimul an a fost ametitor. Mi-a deschis ochii la multe. Poate nu chiar la ce trebuia. Realizez ca am petrecut 12 luni fugind si ascunzanduma. Au fost momente glamorous. Dar toate superficiale. Au fost momente perfecte. Dar probabil cele mai inocente si pentru care nu trebuie sa mergi la celalalt capat al lumii ca sa le traiesti. Au fost decepti. Dar la care ar fi trebuit sa ma astept. Deci care este rezumatul? Experienta. Anul asta mi-a lasat multe poze si  multe urme pe suflet. Unele bune, altele rele. Am impresia ca am imbatranit foarte mult. Si e trist. Copilaria nu trebuie lasata niciodat in urma. Dar uneori nu ai de ales. Ca sa inchizi un capitol trebuie sa renunti la o parte din tine. Si sa constuiesti pe ce a ramas. Anul asta am sters mult. Dar deocamdata pagina ramane goala. In 2013 vreau sa urmez sfatul pe care il dau in mod constant la toate prietenele mele si pe care eu nu prea il urmez niciodata. Vreau sa ma uit in oglinda cu luciditate si fara frica. Vreau sa nu mai fug. Vreau sa imi duc reflectiile pana la capat si sa nu mai traiesc din iluzii. Am mai spus-o de doua ori pana acum, dar acum trebuie sa o iau in serios. Vreau sa fiu mai puternica si mai disciplinata. Vreau sa am macar impresia ca pot schimba ceva in viata mea.