Retrospectiva zilei

Swirling thoughts going round and round in a dizzying dance full of euphoria and dread at the same time. Here I am on the eve of my 23rd birthday. I'm still young by most accounts. And so old by some. What have I really accomplished so far? I feel like I'm growing more and more estranged from my friends and loved ones. I'm becoming vain, conceited, self-centered. Lost in appearances. Still pursuing perfection and crippling myself with guilt when I can't seem to attain the unattainable. An atheist struck by the purest christian psychology.

I listened to Angels&Airwaves today. It made me think about Bunny. And then North. I really know how to pick 'em! But the fact of the matter is, there was no regret, no pain, no longing. Only nostalgia. For a time when I let myself believe. For an innocence that was lost time and again. I keep telling myself that I don't know what I want, but that's false. I do know. I just don't want to hear it. Because I'm scared. Terrified even. I was never very good at endurance and I think I'm getting tired. I guess it's just a consequence of the continuous battle inside me between the part that wants to grow up and the one that just wants to stay a kid.

So for the kid and the adult in me, here are the songs that I grew up with, one theme for each year since I officially became a "big kid".

 

As a side note, since my birthday actually falls on the official Children's Day, maybe it's appropriate that I spend it like a kid!