Hope in the future?

We always hear about how the younger generations will one day inherit this world, how they are our hope. Young people will rid this world of all evil or at least make it a better place. Whenever I hear that, after the slight instant of panic where I imagine myself having to ease the world of pollution (yeah right!), the economic crisis, world poverty, etc, etc, I slip in a state of complete disbelief at the naivety of older people (or maybe they're just putting up a show for us young people...which I hope, for their sake). We are going to make the world a better place? Really?? Is that just another modern way of making a hero of the lamb that's going to be slaughtered?

Because let's face it, the older generation (also known in the western world under the name of baby boomers) had all the fun at the party and now we're stuck cleaning the apartment. And I don't really mind that challenge. If only it would be a technical or a scientific problem. But we're not fighting against a lack of knowledge that prevents us from finding a solution. We're fighting against greed and egos, against hypocrisy and self-indulgence, we're fighting against the system! And how can you beat that? Of course there are the classical historical examples of how human rights activists and feminists fought against racism and sexism and how in the end they were victorious. Were they really? Personally, I think the subject is debatable.

I remember how at my first university orientation session, there was a speaker (I can't for the life of me remember his name) who talked about this topic and the advice he gave us at the end of his speech was to avoid becoming cynical. And my immediate (cynical) response was: and how pray tell do you do that? All you have to do is turn on the TV and all you see (whenever we're not brainwashed by soap operas and other pointless series) is politicians and governments who don't give a shit, pharmaceuticals and other multinationals who step on people and communities in order to maximize their already staggering profits, and, when you turn off the TV and start browsing the Internet, you realize that even the media lie or distort information.

The best example is this latest H1N1 flu crisis (oh by the way, does anyone know why they don't refer to it as the swine flu anymore? Because people stopped eating pork due to it. Hahaha, talk about media impact!). More people die in a week from AIDS or malaria than they have died from this stupid flu since this whole ordeal has started. But you don't see governments commissioning research teams to find a vaccine against AIDS or, ha big joke of the day, buying such vaccines had they existed for the entire population of the country! But for a stupid flu ('cause that's what it is in my opinion...slightly worse than a seasonal flu) everyone makes such a big fuss and almost everyday you see reporters in the news talking about the extra 3 people who died from the flu today (3 people?? Oh the horror! The horror!! Hey pinkie, how many people died from car crashes or from lung cancers (aka smokers) today?). Did anybody know that thousands of people die each year from regular seasonal flu? Well I didn't. Why? Because we never hear about them. And I'm not talking about India or Africa here. I'm talking about North America where the hygiene level is fairly high and the medical system...well, compared to South Africa, it's better...I will not comment further. But getting back on topic, it's amazing how easily we can be manipulated by mass media.

And after all this, us youngsters are supposed to keep an idealistic heart and commit our life to making the world a better place? Not bloody likely (as the Brits would put it)! And you know, maybe, just maybe, I could give my life to change the world if only, before I die, I could see some of that change actually taking place. But what are the chances of that happening? How many lives, how many generations need to perish before we will see one iota of a change in this godforsaken world? Therefore, in order for change to take place, you need to not only believe that the world can change, but also have faith that others will continue the work you have started once you are no more. Maybe I'm just a control freak who has trouble trusting others when it's time to do a good job, but frankly, my confidence in the human race is at its lowest and it just keeps dropping as the years go by. And if everyone in my generation is just as cynical and as disillusioned with the world as I am, well, pardon my language, but we are royally fucked.

Beautifully Imperfect

Ok, straying away from the philosophical mood (I seem to be doing this quite often lately actually), here's a video that actually made me cry the first time I saw it (yes, yes, big crybaby that I am). Well actually, now that I think about it, maybe there is a bit of philosophy to the video. It basically just looks at relationships from a different perspective and I've been trying to wrap my head around it for the past year or so, but I find it a bit difficult.

Every girl grows up with this fantasy idea of the perfect marriage, the perfect husband, the perfect family. And then as you gather experience in life, you realize just how naive you have been and you can't help becoming a bit cynical. You swear off men and relationships, you decide that you NEVER want to get married and that children are definitely not the thing for you. But then what? Do you end up one of those old ladies who dies alone surrounded by her 10 cats?

Life is not an all or nothing deal. You win some, you lose some, and, in the end, you are as happy as you make yourself be. Perfection does not exist in this world and that is something I can live with. I can even understand that the person who you choose to spend the rest of your life with (or the next year or two, depending on what your view of a long term relationship is) will most certainly have flaws that you will have to cope with and that sometimes you will have to bite your tongue during an argument in order to avoid hurting the other or simply because it's your turn to give in.

But to love someone because of their flaws? How can that work in the long term? Sure at the beginning when you fall in love, you see everything that the other does as being adorable or funny, but that's just the effect of the dopamine on your brain. How can you still feel the same once that effect wears off? Maybe I just need more experience with long term relationships in order to figure that one out. Further reflection on the subject might come in the future...

Quote of the month

These are a couple of quotes by Jean-Paul Sartre that I discovered this summer while reading Sophie's World and they struck a chord in my own reflections. They didn't bring any answers, but they kind of confirmed some thoughts that I already had (which I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not....I try to stay as far away as possible from confirmation bias, but that doesn't always happen). They are kind of long, but they develop the same idea in a brilliant way.

"We are like actors dragged onto the stage without having learned our lines, with no script and no prompter to whisper stage directions to us. We must decide for ourselves how to live."

"Man is condemned to be free. Condemned because he has not created himself and is nevertheless free. Because having once been hurled into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

"Man must never disclaim the responsibility for his actions. Nor can we avoid the responsibility of making our own choices on the grounds that we 'must' go to work, or we 'must' live up to certain middle-class expectations regarding how we should live. Those who thus slip into the anonymous masses will never be other than members of the impersonal flock, having fled from themselves into self-deception. On the other hand, our freedom obliges us to make something of ourselves, to live 'authentically' or 'truly'."

"Life must have a meaning. It is an imperative. But it is we ourselves who must create this meaning in our own lives. To exist is to create your own life."

I miss you...

Prends-moi dans tes bras et serre-moi très fort. Tu sais, j'ai tellement peur. J'ai peur au point où des fois j'arrive plus à respirer. J'ai peur de ce qui suit, j'ai peur de ce qui est fini, j'ai peur de la vie. J'ai peur des décisions que je prends, j'ai peur de celles que j'ai pas pris. J'ai peur des gens parce que j'en ai marre d'être déçue. J'ai peur d'espérer parce que j'en ai marre de pleurer. J'ai besoin de tes bras forts qui m'entourent, j'ai besoin d'un point auquel je puisse m'accrocher. Je sens mon pouls et j'imagine que chaque battement est ton coeur qui bat en même temps que le mien. Tu vas rire, mais je fais ça souvent, prendre mon pouls. Ça me rappelle que je suis encore en vie, que je suis plus que juste un morceau de viande qui vieillit un peu plus chaque jour et qui se rapproche de plus en plus de la putréfaction. J'ai envie de te prendre dans mes bras, de me perdre dans tes yeux, de sentir ton odeur, de mettre mes mains sur tes hanches. Je veux voir tes mains, tes mains qui m'ont si longtemps fascinée. Je veux regarder tes longs doigts qui enserrent ma taille et qui ne me laissent pas partir. J'ai envie de m'envelopper dans ton calme, dans ton assurance. Tu te poses jamais des questions? Tu ne doutes vraiment jamais? Je sais que tu le fais. Peut-être aussi souvent que moi. Mais tu ne le montres jamais. Tu réussis à remplir le vide qui me ronge à l'intérieur et à calmer mes peurs. Lorsque je sens l'appréhension qui me suffoque, je pense à toi. Tu es mon souffle. Tu me manques. J'ai besoin de sentir qu'il y a quelqu'un dans ce monde qui ne me laissera pas tomber pour une fois. Mais même toi, tu n'es pas parfait. Même toi, tu m'as oubliée. Même toi, tu es parti.

Worst time of the year

Worst time of the year: Christmas and birthdays (well my birthday in particular)! Now I know that this makes me sound like a scrooge, but my reasons for this go beyond just a hate of human contact. As a matter of fact, I love human contact and being around people. I think that you never live more fully than when you are surrounded by people that you love and who love you. But what I hate about humans is that most of the time they're disappointing (and this even when you only have basic expectations). That's the problem! When you get close to people you start having expectations and as Barry Schwartz explained (see earlier post) expectations are the start of unhappiness and you end up being disappointed 90% of the time. This is particularly obvious around Christmas and birthdays because they're supposed to be special occasions and that has an effect of raising expectations. So the only thing that these occasions end up doing is giving you a wake up call and a very cold reality check.

Experimental Results

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I started a little experiment around 3-4 weeks ago in order to identify what things are really important to me. And the results were...drumroll please...well they were inconclusive. Hell of a disappointment, isn't it? Basically, I can't say that I was under excruciating torture and I missed maximum 3 or 4 rock songs. However, two days ago, I did reach a point where I wasn't able to stand another stupid James Blunt or Cascada song and I was relieved to go back to Avenged Sevenfold. But did my relief come from the fact that I missed rock music or from the fact that it was a song I hadn't listened to in almost a month and it gave me a break from the overused and overlistened current playlist? That I can't say, but one thing is for sure, now I appreciate every rock, metal and punk song on my IPod. So if there's at least one lesson to learn from this is the fact that alternating for extended periods of time music styles makes the listening experience much more pleasurable (at least when you switch from one music genre to another).

So in honor of my return among the punks/rockers/metalheads here is Twisted Transitor by Korn (one of the songs I DESPERATELY missed):



If you get the chance also check out their song Evolution:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VntFEWF8I8A

Initially this is the song I wanted to post, but embedding was disabled on youtube due to copyright. In any case it's an amazing song and the video is well worth the time spent watching it.

Return to the past

Ok I know, cheesy song, but who cares?? I still love it! Makes me think of myself and how I always lie to myself...but in a slightly less conscious way.



It's weird how the fact of watching the video manages to amplify the experience of this song as opposed to just listening to it. My theory is that since more than one sense is involved (hearing and seeing) you are more concentrated on the lyrics, on the music, on the story behind it and therefore you immerse yourself in it. On the other hand, when you just listen to the song, you could be doing something else at the same time (like writing this post) and that takes part of your attention away from the atmosphere and the mood that the song is trying to create.

Or maybe it's just that the images are more appealing...