The Grinch that stole Christmas

The older I get, the more the idea of Christmas escapes me. With every passing year the magic wears off more and more and I can't seem to get into the so called "Christmas spirit". The excitement disappeared and left only annoyance, frustration and pure coldness. I don't even know what this time of the year is supposed to feel like anymore. Objectively speaking what is Christmas? Last minute shopping in crowded malls where everyone is pushing and pulling and where you are running to get presents in a pre-established amount of time. Crappy sentimental stories (either real or invented) that are supposed to remind us of our humanity by shamelessly pulling at our heartstrings without any real regard for the issue at hand. Sort of like a general fad... hey it's Christmas so this is the one time of the year that we absolutely HAVE TO repeat to you ad nauseaum how love is the only real salvation for this world (in the absence of Jesus for the nonbelievers... though when you think about it, it comes down to the same thing since Jesus was probably THE initial hippie). People asking you for money at every street corner so it's basically a daily guilt trip whenever you take the metro. Commercials trying to convince you for the n-th time that absolute happiness CAN be found in a bottle of shaving cream and that your brother in law who can't stand the sight of you will have no choice but to love you for all eternity if you also get him a pack for Christmas. Dreary suppers where you hear the same stories and same jokes over and over again.

Ironically, the first time I actually felt a semblance of holiday cheer this year was when I heard this song earlier even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the season especially when you actually listen to the lyrics. But at this point, even a sterile and tasteless Christmas spirit is better than none. It's funny how memories and images can get imprinted onto music. I see my late godmother's yard filled with snow with the dark green bushes contrasting sharply. The sky is cloudy but it gives a bluish hue to the scenery that is soothing. It's early morning and absolutely desert and quiet. And that's it. An almost postcard entrance.



Does that mean that I would rather spend Christmas by myself? Maybe it's a good thing that I'm leaving soon. Funny how the solitude is what attracts me most about Paris. Everything is very scary in this move, but ironically, it is the idea that I will be alone and in peace that keeps me sane. I think the Big Bang Theory might be rubbing off on me and I'm slowly becoming Sheldon Cooper...

Merry Christmas

I'm not really into classical music, but Pachelbel's Canon in D Major is one of the few pieces that I actually like (if only Cris knew, he'd snob me for the rest of my life hahaha).

It's funny how the more of a cynic you are, the more attracted you feel by purity. Maybe it's because cynicism is just an expression of one's disillusionment with a world that does not conform to their ideals. So for that reason, cynics aspire to purity knowing that they will never attain it.

Whatever may be the case, this song is my musical ideal of purity. I really hate the video but that's because you can't represent purity in images (especially not crappy youtube images). So do me a favor and ignore it. Just close your eyes and focus only on the song.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Memories

It's Christmas Eve (almost Christmas actually) and for once I'll stop fooling around. I feel like these last two weeks I've surrounded myself with these walls that hide the real me from everyone. I'm joking and I make fun of everything. But I feel like I've somehow lost track of the initial purpose of this blog and maybe, just maybe, I lost track of the real me. I don't know who that is anymore actually. I could make that my New Year's resolution maybe hahaha!

Whatever may be the case, this song is a gift for the hopeless romantic inside me (I try my hardest to ignore that part of me, but whether I like it or not, it's still there and it won't seem to disappear). It reminds me of one winter when I was a kid and I was in the car with my parents, driving to my grandparents' place. We were on this deserted country road and it was snowing so hard that the snowflakes seemed to form a tunnel that surrounded the car. And for one small, magical instant, I felt safe and completely and utterly happy.

Number 1 from Chris Rea:

Neverending Christmas

You didn't think that was it, now did you?

Number 2 is given to us by the hilarious Allan Sherman:

Allan Sherman - The Twelve Gifts Of Christmas Found at abmp3 search engine

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A Japanese transistor radio.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's a Nakashuma.)

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued.)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it,
So you can listen right through the case.)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
(And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you
Can stick in your ear, and a thing on the other end
That you can't stick anywhere, because it's bent.)

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An indoor plastic birdbath,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange,
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange:
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
An indoor plastic birdbath,
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Christmas Revelations

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last niiiiight!!

No, wait that's not how the classic goes! Daddy kissing Santa Claus?? Oh well, I guess times have changed haha.

Here's number 3 from Stand Still:



I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
Saw spots of green and red
Get these thoughts out of my head
I wish that I'd rolled over
and gone back to sleep instead

Not that there's anything wrong with that

I saw Daddy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
I couldn't make a noise
Yeah, who would've thought that he liked boys?
It seems that he's much further in the closet than my toys

What would the, son say?
What would the, wife say?
What would the, friends say?
What would the, wife say?
What would the, son say?
What would the, wife say?
What would the, friends say?
What would Jesus say?

Then Mommy and Daddy are kissing Santa Claus
It's a three way, three way tonight
I tell you it was rough
Seeing Mom as fingercuffs
Maybe this year, since Dad is queer,
I'll get some better stuff

Not that there's anything wrong with that
Not that there's anything wrong with that

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus
I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus

Tribute

Initially I wanted to post a more cheerful, normal Christmas-y song today in order to redeem myself after the last couple of posts. I even wrote the description and everything... and then I thought...naahhhh!

So considering I'm going to see them in concert tonight, here's a tribute to The Used.
(yes, I know...it's pink. I'm not very fond of it, but it was either this or a video with the Sims making out)

Number 4 from The Used:

Family time

5 more days until Christmas!! Oh wow, I can't believe it's almost here. Exams are over (yey!), I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping (double yey!) and I actually found enough songs to post here until Christmas (I initially thought I'd have trouble keeping up, but I ended up with more songs than I actually needed...so triple yey!). Though I feel like I'm only posting stupid songs lately...seems Lily-chan made more permanent damage on my system than I initially thought.

Oh well, continuing in the tradition developed over the past two days, here is another hilarious Christmas song which talks about...family time...sort of. Hahaha!

Here's #5 from Voltaire:



Christmas, that magic time of the year, mom and dad are glad everyone’s here
Grandpa is busy trimming the tree and aunty made a fruitcake naturally.
But her fruitcake aint the only one at the table, and there’s something that I just have to say
“Granny pass the stuffing if you are able, and by the way mom and dad, I’m gay”
Yea brought a girl with me but I paid her to be here.
Hey mom and dad that’s what they call a beard
I try to make it work but the girl aint got the gear
What can I say; I love it in the rear

Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m gay

Take back those G.I. Joes I never liked those toys
I never did like stuff that was for boys
Bring me some Barbies even though you think it’s wrong
Or better yet Johnny Depp in a thong

Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m gay

Don’t look so surprised to know it’s not like I’m the only homo
Aunty Jen’s a lesbian (she is?) and I’ve been felt by Uncle Joe
Well now I don’t expect for you to like what you’ve been told
And if you hate me well that’s how it goes
Well as for me I’m off to a disco and you can kiss my gay ass as I go

Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m wonderfully, fabulously, gargantuanly gay

Ding, Dong

Continuing with videos that make me laugh. This one is from a guy named Gunther. Now when you hear that name you imagine some huge, manly German guy who might also be a body builder. But instead you get this douchebag who tries to imitate (in vain I might add) a macho Latino and who makes quasi pornographic videos. Add to that some pouting (I don't know how many times he pouts in this video...I stopped counting after 6...then again, his face seems to be constantly pouting), a dog and two midgets, and you get this hilarious video. I don't care if this guy is for real or not, he just cracks me up every time.

DING DONG, it's a Christmas song!

For #6, we have Gunther Christmas style:

Old timers

I love the original punk bands! If not for their music but at least for their guts haha! Who else would dare to make a video (or come on stage for that matter) in leather pants, with a mane of hair that covers half of your face (even worse than emo kids these days) and half stoned? Now I understand why Ozzy can barely move his ass around. Moral of the story? Drugs are bad for you!

Number 7 from The Ramones:



Obviously, this is posted here for the video and not the song. The Ramones are an ok band, but this is not one of their best songs. The video on the other hand is hilarious! So people, make love not war! (I guess that sums up the message haha)

To be home or not to be home? That is the question...

Christmas somehow seems to be the time to avoid certain people. And this can be done either by not being home, or simply by telling the person to stay away ("I won't be home" vs. "Don't come home").

Fall Out Boy brings us #8:



I love how punks spin off old classics and make them into complete opposites haha!

Caroling

There's no particular concept for this post. It's just a song that I adore and that I listen to over and over and over again and which makes me laugh every time. The lyrics are simply brilliant!

Number 9 from Blink:



Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring
Cause joy is something they don't bring me
My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging sickles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face
Wondering how much of my time they’ll waste
Oh God, I hate these Satan’s helpers
And then I guess I must have snapped
Because I grabbed the baseball bat
And made them all run for shelter

It’s Christmas time, again
It’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand, all year
I’m growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don’t want to get beaten down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone

Well, I guess it’s not cool to freak on Christmas Eve
Cause the cops came and arrested me
They had an unfair advantage
And even though the jail didn’t have a tree
Christmas came a night early
Cause a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package

It’s Christmas time, again
It’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand, all year
I’m growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don’t want to get beaten down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone

I won’t be home, I won’t be home for Christmas
I won’t be home, I won’t be home for Christmas

Ghost of Christmas Future

It's always good when you can predict what is going to happen:



"Well I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas because I contributed to the green-house effect which melts the Polar Ice Caps which melts the North Pole where Santa Clause lives and he's mad."

Hahaha!!!! In that case I think that stores are going bankrupt this holiday!

Ghost of Christmas Present

Moving on from the past, this song is the epitome of present times (for people in the 16-25 age group in any case). It talks about alcohol, sex and puts you in a party mood. What more can you want? Maybe some depth? No? That's asking too much, isn't it? Oh well, at least it's cheerful.

Oh people please be warned. The song contains coarse language!! You will listen to it at your own risks and perils and I won't take any responsibility for it.

So without further ado, here's #11:

Ghost of Christmas Past

I'll just get this done with so that I will stop thinking about it and ergo be able to finally concentrate on economics.

So after you have made your Christmas list (materialistic beings that we are), you start to think back and that's when the past kicks in (nostalgia and self-pitiying are inherent to human beings) bringing us to this song.

Here's #12 from the JEWs (hahaha I love how that double meaning kicks in):



This is not exactly the song I wanted to post (it's a remix). But I couldn't find a decent video of the original (and when I say original, that depends on your definition since this is a cover for an even older song). But anyway, I discovered that this remix is actually not bad.

Christmas Playlist

Ok so I realized that I know more Christmas songs than I initially thought and since this might actually be better than the 5 carols that play over and over again at the radio (yes I don't like the radio very much lately) I'm going to post them here. One song per day until Christmas. It could be like some sort of a countdown (it might actually give me a chance to discover more songs and put me in the holiday spirit).

So here's #13:

Holiday Cheer

I think I had some sort of witty description in mind for this post a couple of minutes ago, but I can't seem to remember anymore...blah. Anyway, the snow is here (damn), exams have started (double damn) and the radio seems to have forgotten the existence of other types of songs that don't mention the word Christmas (which I wouldn't mind if they wouldn't mix carols and jazz music...so triple damn).

So to continue the tradition (or the brainwashing cycle all depending how you see things), here's a song that those people at the radio station should seriously consider including on their playlist. Or not necessarily this one, just any song that doesn't have a soft or jazzy feeling to it. Pleeeassseee? Pweaty pwease? Bah humbug!

Worst time of the year

Worst time of the year: Christmas and birthdays (well my birthday in particular)! Now I know that this makes me sound like a scrooge, but my reasons for this go beyond just a hate of human contact. As a matter of fact, I love human contact and being around people. I think that you never live more fully than when you are surrounded by people that you love and who love you. But what I hate about humans is that most of the time they're disappointing (and this even when you only have basic expectations). That's the problem! When you get close to people you start having expectations and as Barry Schwartz explained (see earlier post) expectations are the start of unhappiness and you end up being disappointed 90% of the time. This is particularly obvious around Christmas and birthdays because they're supposed to be special occasions and that has an effect of raising expectations. So the only thing that these occasions end up doing is giving you a wake up call and a very cold reality check.