Hope in the future?

We always hear about how the younger generations will one day inherit this world, how they are our hope. Young people will rid this world of all evil or at least make it a better place. Whenever I hear that, after the slight instant of panic where I imagine myself having to ease the world of pollution (yeah right!), the economic crisis, world poverty, etc, etc, I slip in a state of complete disbelief at the naivety of older people (or maybe they're just putting up a show for us young people...which I hope, for their sake). We are going to make the world a better place? Really?? Is that just another modern way of making a hero of the lamb that's going to be slaughtered?

Because let's face it, the older generation (also known in the western world under the name of baby boomers) had all the fun at the party and now we're stuck cleaning the apartment. And I don't really mind that challenge. If only it would be a technical or a scientific problem. But we're not fighting against a lack of knowledge that prevents us from finding a solution. We're fighting against greed and egos, against hypocrisy and self-indulgence, we're fighting against the system! And how can you beat that? Of course there are the classical historical examples of how human rights activists and feminists fought against racism and sexism and how in the end they were victorious. Were they really? Personally, I think the subject is debatable.

I remember how at my first university orientation session, there was a speaker (I can't for the life of me remember his name) who talked about this topic and the advice he gave us at the end of his speech was to avoid becoming cynical. And my immediate (cynical) response was: and how pray tell do you do that? All you have to do is turn on the TV and all you see (whenever we're not brainwashed by soap operas and other pointless series) is politicians and governments who don't give a shit, pharmaceuticals and other multinationals who step on people and communities in order to maximize their already staggering profits, and, when you turn off the TV and start browsing the Internet, you realize that even the media lie or distort information.

The best example is this latest H1N1 flu crisis (oh by the way, does anyone know why they don't refer to it as the swine flu anymore? Because people stopped eating pork due to it. Hahaha, talk about media impact!). More people die in a week from AIDS or malaria than they have died from this stupid flu since this whole ordeal has started. But you don't see governments commissioning research teams to find a vaccine against AIDS or, ha big joke of the day, buying such vaccines had they existed for the entire population of the country! But for a stupid flu ('cause that's what it is in my opinion...slightly worse than a seasonal flu) everyone makes such a big fuss and almost everyday you see reporters in the news talking about the extra 3 people who died from the flu today (3 people?? Oh the horror! The horror!! Hey pinkie, how many people died from car crashes or from lung cancers (aka smokers) today?). Did anybody know that thousands of people die each year from regular seasonal flu? Well I didn't. Why? Because we never hear about them. And I'm not talking about India or Africa here. I'm talking about North America where the hygiene level is fairly high and the medical system...well, compared to South Africa, it's better...I will not comment further. But getting back on topic, it's amazing how easily we can be manipulated by mass media.

And after all this, us youngsters are supposed to keep an idealistic heart and commit our life to making the world a better place? Not bloody likely (as the Brits would put it)! And you know, maybe, just maybe, I could give my life to change the world if only, before I die, I could see some of that change actually taking place. But what are the chances of that happening? How many lives, how many generations need to perish before we will see one iota of a change in this godforsaken world? Therefore, in order for change to take place, you need to not only believe that the world can change, but also have faith that others will continue the work you have started once you are no more. Maybe I'm just a control freak who has trouble trusting others when it's time to do a good job, but frankly, my confidence in the human race is at its lowest and it just keeps dropping as the years go by. And if everyone in my generation is just as cynical and as disillusioned with the world as I am, well, pardon my language, but we are royally fucked.

Beautifully Imperfect

Ok, straying away from the philosophical mood (I seem to be doing this quite often lately actually), here's a video that actually made me cry the first time I saw it (yes, yes, big crybaby that I am). Well actually, now that I think about it, maybe there is a bit of philosophy to the video. It basically just looks at relationships from a different perspective and I've been trying to wrap my head around it for the past year or so, but I find it a bit difficult.

Every girl grows up with this fantasy idea of the perfect marriage, the perfect husband, the perfect family. And then as you gather experience in life, you realize just how naive you have been and you can't help becoming a bit cynical. You swear off men and relationships, you decide that you NEVER want to get married and that children are definitely not the thing for you. But then what? Do you end up one of those old ladies who dies alone surrounded by her 10 cats?

Life is not an all or nothing deal. You win some, you lose some, and, in the end, you are as happy as you make yourself be. Perfection does not exist in this world and that is something I can live with. I can even understand that the person who you choose to spend the rest of your life with (or the next year or two, depending on what your view of a long term relationship is) will most certainly have flaws that you will have to cope with and that sometimes you will have to bite your tongue during an argument in order to avoid hurting the other or simply because it's your turn to give in.

But to love someone because of their flaws? How can that work in the long term? Sure at the beginning when you fall in love, you see everything that the other does as being adorable or funny, but that's just the effect of the dopamine on your brain. How can you still feel the same once that effect wears off? Maybe I just need more experience with long term relationships in order to figure that one out. Further reflection on the subject might come in the future...

Quote of the month

These are a couple of quotes by Jean-Paul Sartre that I discovered this summer while reading Sophie's World and they struck a chord in my own reflections. They didn't bring any answers, but they kind of confirmed some thoughts that I already had (which I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not....I try to stay as far away as possible from confirmation bias, but that doesn't always happen). They are kind of long, but they develop the same idea in a brilliant way.

"We are like actors dragged onto the stage without having learned our lines, with no script and no prompter to whisper stage directions to us. We must decide for ourselves how to live."

"Man is condemned to be free. Condemned because he has not created himself and is nevertheless free. Because having once been hurled into the world, he is responsible for everything he does."

"Man must never disclaim the responsibility for his actions. Nor can we avoid the responsibility of making our own choices on the grounds that we 'must' go to work, or we 'must' live up to certain middle-class expectations regarding how we should live. Those who thus slip into the anonymous masses will never be other than members of the impersonal flock, having fled from themselves into self-deception. On the other hand, our freedom obliges us to make something of ourselves, to live 'authentically' or 'truly'."

"Life must have a meaning. It is an imperative. But it is we ourselves who must create this meaning in our own lives. To exist is to create your own life."

I miss you...

Prends-moi dans tes bras et serre-moi très fort. Tu sais, j'ai tellement peur. J'ai peur au point où des fois j'arrive plus à respirer. J'ai peur de ce qui suit, j'ai peur de ce qui est fini, j'ai peur de la vie. J'ai peur des décisions que je prends, j'ai peur de celles que j'ai pas pris. J'ai peur des gens parce que j'en ai marre d'être déçue. J'ai peur d'espérer parce que j'en ai marre de pleurer. J'ai besoin de tes bras forts qui m'entourent, j'ai besoin d'un point auquel je puisse m'accrocher. Je sens mon pouls et j'imagine que chaque battement est ton coeur qui bat en même temps que le mien. Tu vas rire, mais je fais ça souvent, prendre mon pouls. Ça me rappelle que je suis encore en vie, que je suis plus que juste un morceau de viande qui vieillit un peu plus chaque jour et qui se rapproche de plus en plus de la putréfaction. J'ai envie de te prendre dans mes bras, de me perdre dans tes yeux, de sentir ton odeur, de mettre mes mains sur tes hanches. Je veux voir tes mains, tes mains qui m'ont si longtemps fascinée. Je veux regarder tes longs doigts qui enserrent ma taille et qui ne me laissent pas partir. J'ai envie de m'envelopper dans ton calme, dans ton assurance. Tu te poses jamais des questions? Tu ne doutes vraiment jamais? Je sais que tu le fais. Peut-être aussi souvent que moi. Mais tu ne le montres jamais. Tu réussis à remplir le vide qui me ronge à l'intérieur et à calmer mes peurs. Lorsque je sens l'appréhension qui me suffoque, je pense à toi. Tu es mon souffle. Tu me manques. J'ai besoin de sentir qu'il y a quelqu'un dans ce monde qui ne me laissera pas tomber pour une fois. Mais même toi, tu n'es pas parfait. Même toi, tu m'as oubliée. Même toi, tu es parti.

Worst time of the year

Worst time of the year: Christmas and birthdays (well my birthday in particular)! Now I know that this makes me sound like a scrooge, but my reasons for this go beyond just a hate of human contact. As a matter of fact, I love human contact and being around people. I think that you never live more fully than when you are surrounded by people that you love and who love you. But what I hate about humans is that most of the time they're disappointing (and this even when you only have basic expectations). That's the problem! When you get close to people you start having expectations and as Barry Schwartz explained (see earlier post) expectations are the start of unhappiness and you end up being disappointed 90% of the time. This is particularly obvious around Christmas and birthdays because they're supposed to be special occasions and that has an effect of raising expectations. So the only thing that these occasions end up doing is giving you a wake up call and a very cold reality check.

Experimental Results

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I started a little experiment around 3-4 weeks ago in order to identify what things are really important to me. And the results were...drumroll please...well they were inconclusive. Hell of a disappointment, isn't it? Basically, I can't say that I was under excruciating torture and I missed maximum 3 or 4 rock songs. However, two days ago, I did reach a point where I wasn't able to stand another stupid James Blunt or Cascada song and I was relieved to go back to Avenged Sevenfold. But did my relief come from the fact that I missed rock music or from the fact that it was a song I hadn't listened to in almost a month and it gave me a break from the overused and overlistened current playlist? That I can't say, but one thing is for sure, now I appreciate every rock, metal and punk song on my IPod. So if there's at least one lesson to learn from this is the fact that alternating for extended periods of time music styles makes the listening experience much more pleasurable (at least when you switch from one music genre to another).

So in honor of my return among the punks/rockers/metalheads here is Twisted Transitor by Korn (one of the songs I DESPERATELY missed):



If you get the chance also check out their song Evolution:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VntFEWF8I8A

Initially this is the song I wanted to post, but embedding was disabled on youtube due to copyright. In any case it's an amazing song and the video is well worth the time spent watching it.

Return to the past

Ok I know, cheesy song, but who cares?? I still love it! Makes me think of myself and how I always lie to myself...but in a slightly less conscious way.



It's weird how the fact of watching the video manages to amplify the experience of this song as opposed to just listening to it. My theory is that since more than one sense is involved (hearing and seeing) you are more concentrated on the lyrics, on the music, on the story behind it and therefore you immerse yourself in it. On the other hand, when you just listen to the song, you could be doing something else at the same time (like writing this post) and that takes part of your attention away from the atmosphere and the mood that the song is trying to create.

Or maybe it's just that the images are more appealing...

Superhuman race

As the years go by and you get through high school, CEGEP and university, the pressure put on students to perform continuously increases and you get to the point where you desperately need a reality check.

You start school, an innocent 6 year-old thinking that good grades is all you need to get through life. Then the years go by and before you know it, you have to apply to university and suddenly having good grades is only enough to keep you afloat among the masses of high achievers. But what makes you unique? That is what universities want to know. And unless you've won some beauty pageant, all the while being the president of the math club, there's no chance that anyone will take notice.

Extracurriculars have become the new buzzword in the academic world and even in the world of job searches. It is no longer enough to be good at what you do, but you need to care about your community, you need to change things, you need to leave a mark. And if that wasn't enough, you also have to network and have the right connections if you want to get into a really good school. I read this old article in the New York Times about athletes who were trying to gain admission into select colleges through their achievements in the world of sports. Now these aren't brainless people who weigh 200 pounds of muscle and who only know how to kick a ball. They are intelligent people who manage to juggle school work and intense training programs. But still, some are left out. Because even when you're the best, there are still people who are better than you.

But how do you live with this knowledge? Always pushing yourself, always expanding your horizons in every possible direction, hoping that you have what it takes to secure a good future for yourself. Another New York Times post talks about students in the US applying to as many as 30 universities in hopes of being accepted in a good school. 30??? That is freakishly insane! Besides the fact that you get yourself in debt even before you start college in order to pay the application forms, the time it takes to complete those applications which in competitive programs require long autobiographical letters and references from teachers is incredibly long even for one application.

This leads me to think, what about the normal people? Do they even exist anymore? People who struggle in high school, what do they do in this case? Or have they already been submerged in the academic ocean? Did they give up? Have they been absorbed by society into Walmart cashiers and restaurant waiters? Or on the contrary, are they faring better than us nerds by simply rejecting the system and becoming entrepreneurs?

I remember someone once telling me that it's better to be the smartest in a group of stupid people, than to be the idiot in the genius bunch (or something along those lines). Maybe the answer doesn't lie in going to Harvard or McGill Med, but in making your own way. But then which one of those two is easier?

Maybe, in the end, the problem is not with the system, because after all, there will always be limited places for a larger number of candidates, be it in universities or in the workforce. Maybe there's a problem with our values and the perception we have of ourselves. Maybe the philosophy exposed in Fight Club is right. Maybe Tyler Durden is right when he says: "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else". Maybe we should stop concentrating on being the best and just concentrate on enjoying life. And what if you have to be the best in order to enjoy life (aka high achievers such as myself)? Well then sucks to be you...

New York Times articles here and here

"Fericirea nu se cumpara in rate"

Puts things into perspective...



To record your message press 2. Thank you

La radio, vreau sa ajung la radio
S-auda o tara-ntreaga cine-s eu cu adevarat

In fiecare zi imi spune cineva cat sunt de fericit
Ca viata o traiesc din plin pentru ca am mobil si-s conectat,
Masina de spalat si expresor, televizor cu ecran plat,
Calculator si sunt special pentru ca am un card cu numele pe el
Cu care in curand o sa imi cumpar casa pe pamant
Si cu garaj, doua masini si un rotweiler in curte
Si voi primi nevasta, urata si cam proasta
Si doi copii la scoala americana,
O bona care-mi e amanta si ma insala
Si care vrea la sala,
Suntem cu totii o comunitate de vise sfaramate in mii de rate,
De vise sfaramate in mii de rate...

Nu vreau s-ajung asa
Asta nu-s eu si trebuie sa scap
S-ajung la radio
Sa spun cine sunt eu cu adevarat

La radio, vreau sa ajung la radio
S-auda o tara-ntreaga cine-s eu cu adevarat

Iubita mea lucreaza intr-o cafenea
Vrea sa se faca actrita
In fiecare seara o iau si-o duc acasa in doua camere si o terasa
Asa e casa noastra, albastra
Iubita mea gateste
Eu o ajut la vise
Apoi ma duc pe strazi si pe trotuare, murdare
De povestile cu creta
Si ma-ntalnesc cu trei prieteni vagabonzi
Sunt vagabonzi, dar ii cunosc de mic
Si mergem la un net sa mai vedem cum e,
Si care-i faza si cum sta treaba.
Iubita mea viseaza,
Iar eu pun bani deoparte ca sa o duc departe
Si sa calatorim, sa ne iubim si sa dansam pe mese.
Asta-i povestea mea si vreau sa-o dati la radio
Sa auda toata lumea
Ca viata-i simpla si misto.
Si o iubesc pe fata mea.

La radio, vreau sa ajung la radio
S-auda o tara-ntreaga cine-s eu cu adevarat

Masina de spalat n-o sa ma faca mai curat,
Nici expresorul, n-o sa-mi ghiceasca viitorul.
Numele meu nu vreau sa-l vad pe card,
Iar fericirea nu se cumpara in rate.

La radio, vreau sa ajung la radio
S-auda o tara-ntreaga cine-s eu cu adevarat

Monument in the memory of Pasolini

I feel myself slipping. On the board of insanity, the abyss lying at my feet, I slowly drift towards the dark confines of my mind. This macabre obsession, continuously unearthing skeletons from the dark pages of history, seamlessly absorbs the words of devious spirits and little by little becomes one of them. A man who writes a script about cannibalism, is he horrified or fascinated by it? By criticizing society and its absurdities do we rise above it or do we fall into the pit of hypocrisy? Touching the fine line between solid ground and a freefall jump, exhilaration runs through my veins. I try to prolong the feeling for as long as possible before it fades away and the mundane world takes back its place. I like to toy with the idea of crossing the line, of going past the point of no return. But that will not happen. Not tonight. For now, I remain irrevocably sane.

“Tatal lui era un prof de filozofie. In viata mea nu am vazut un om atat de trist.”

Euphemisms

This is an EX-parrot!!! No more comments hahahaha!

Experiments

Music is very important in my life. In fact, I don't think I've gone through one day in the past 3-4 years without music or if I did, it was quite the painful experience. A lot of my reflections and inspiration comes from songs (or pictures, but that's for another post).

So leaving the blabbering aside, I decided to put myself through a little experience which was inspired by the title of this song by Cobra Starship: "You can't be missed if you never go away". In an effort to discover what was really important to me, I decided to stay away from things that I think I like and just see how much I miss them, if i miss them at all. For years now, I have considered myself a dye-hard fan of rock, punk and, lately, even metal music. But like every teenager, I went through all sorts of phases and I still do, which led me to wonder. Is my attachment to this sort of music a phase that I'm trying to maintain because I indulge in the image I make of myself and of my character or is it for real? So for 4 days I have deprived myself of rock music or any songs I used to listen to in high school. So far, it's not too bad. I'm not really suffering. And I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Maybe it's too early to say. I'll just see for how long I can keep this up. If it's longer than a month, than I've probably been lying to myself for the past years...which is never pleasant to discover, but I still prefer knowing. It's a bit like seeing a magic trick. Do you want live in the fantasy and be amazed, or do u want to know how they do it which most of the time ruins the whole thing forever? Personally, I want to know.

Sooo, that being said, next thing on my list will be... chocolate! Will I be able to live without it? Probably not.