Battles and virtues

Funny how we end up despising that which we are. When every move we make is somehow scrutinized, we just spend our lives perfecting our masks in an effort to make them look natural and real. Maybe it might be easier to be ourselves in a foreign land where no one knows us and where we can just blend in the crowd. Let's be honest for just one second here. While we might act all strong and confident, in the end there's always that lonely night when your true face is revealed and it shows the one feeling that you try to hide so much: fear. Life is scary like hell. And I don't think that there's a particular moment when it stops. Routine is the only thing that might put an end to the fear. When you've gone through the motions so often that it becomes a mechanical mindless act, when you can predict every single twitch that comes next, that is when you stop being afraid. That is also when you stop being alive. While humans might generally be averse to fear, it is also what keeps us focused and lucid. Nothing is more exhilarating than making a choice to face your fears and to let yourself fall into the unknown. Fear is an integral part of life and it makes us evolve. Without it, we become simple shells blown away by the wind.

Then again, you need to choose your battles. There is a reason why people are afraid of standing in front of a running train and that is a fear that should NOT be faced!

I also think that something interesting comes out when you do something that you're afraid of, so I try to take things that I'm not sure that I can do. And this was certainly one of them. I didn't feel like I was right for this at all, and I wondered how to find truth in a fairy tale.

Ryan Gosling

The Grinch that stole Christmas

The older I get, the more the idea of Christmas escapes me. With every passing year the magic wears off more and more and I can't seem to get into the so called "Christmas spirit". The excitement disappeared and left only annoyance, frustration and pure coldness. I don't even know what this time of the year is supposed to feel like anymore. Objectively speaking what is Christmas? Last minute shopping in crowded malls where everyone is pushing and pulling and where you are running to get presents in a pre-established amount of time. Crappy sentimental stories (either real or invented) that are supposed to remind us of our humanity by shamelessly pulling at our heartstrings without any real regard for the issue at hand. Sort of like a general fad... hey it's Christmas so this is the one time of the year that we absolutely HAVE TO repeat to you ad nauseaum how love is the only real salvation for this world (in the absence of Jesus for the nonbelievers... though when you think about it, it comes down to the same thing since Jesus was probably THE initial hippie). People asking you for money at every street corner so it's basically a daily guilt trip whenever you take the metro. Commercials trying to convince you for the n-th time that absolute happiness CAN be found in a bottle of shaving cream and that your brother in law who can't stand the sight of you will have no choice but to love you for all eternity if you also get him a pack for Christmas. Dreary suppers where you hear the same stories and same jokes over and over again.

Ironically, the first time I actually felt a semblance of holiday cheer this year was when I heard this song earlier even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the season especially when you actually listen to the lyrics. But at this point, even a sterile and tasteless Christmas spirit is better than none. It's funny how memories and images can get imprinted onto music. I see my late godmother's yard filled with snow with the dark green bushes contrasting sharply. The sky is cloudy but it gives a bluish hue to the scenery that is soothing. It's early morning and absolutely desert and quiet. And that's it. An almost postcard entrance.



Does that mean that I would rather spend Christmas by myself? Maybe it's a good thing that I'm leaving soon. Funny how the solitude is what attracts me most about Paris. Everything is very scary in this move, but ironically, it is the idea that I will be alone and in peace that keeps me sane. I think the Big Bang Theory might be rubbing off on me and I'm slowly becoming Sheldon Cooper...

Quotes

I dropped the "of the month" since it's been a looooong time since I haven't kept up with it...

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.

Newt Gingrich

Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts.

John Wooden

Penser autrement

Maybe I only find this good because of the late hour and because I'm falling asleep. But anyway, it's cute.

La vie ne se résume pas au nombre de souffles que vous prenez, mais au nombre de moments qui vous coupent le souffle.

Il faut avoir 20 ans pour critiquer le monde avec desinvolture

Bon, mini pause entre deux examens et je suis allée faire un peu de catch-up sur les chroniques de Benoit Lefebvre (pas trop eu le temps de le lire ce semestre). Et que vois-je dans la liste des titres? "Hier encore, j'avais 20 ans...". Hahaha! À part pour la coincidence due au fait que je chantais cette chanson ce matin en étudiant pour mon examen d'économie (c'était supposé me donner de l'entrain? pas trop sure... c'était plus la pensée "shit mon examen est dans 5 heures et j'ai encore 5 chapitres à étudier ET il faut que je mange quelque chose ET il faut que j'amène mon cul à l'université".... ouip, ça! ça motive toujours! Mais je divague comme d'habitude), il y a toujours l'attrait du au fait qu'on parle de mon groupe d'âge. Bref, ce que j'essaye de dire est que j'ai été attirée comme un moustique vers une lampe électrique.

Comme n'importe quel adulte qui essaye de nous faire grâce de sa sagesse, la chronique est très intéressante et il y a des parties qui ramènent des odeurs de vérité et de déjà-vu. Oui à 20 ans on a une opinion sur tout et on veut la faire valoir. Oui à 20 ans on pense qu'on sait tout. Dans la même optique qu'à 10 ou 15 ans on se trouve vieux, trop vieux pour le peu de droits qu'on a, à 20 on trouve qu'on a passé le plus dur et qu'enfin nous voilà adultes! Pfff, c'est une illusion dont on ne peut s'échapper. Je suis sure que les "adultes" de 30 ou 40 ans se dotent des mêmes ambitions et si l'humanité n'aurait pas été aussi obsédée par la jeunesse, Charles Aznavour chanterait "Hier encore, j'avais 40 ans" (à son âge, il pourrait les chanter toutes!). La maturité ou l'expérience de vie ne peut être évaluée qu'avec la comparaison. La vie n'est qu'un cheminement et ce qu'on gagne en maturité on perd en idéalisme et en vigueur. Plus on avance, plus on mélange les nuances et le noir et le blanc devient de plus en plus gris. Oui je connais très bien le fixisme du JAMAIS. Mais le fait est que chaque être humain est jeté dans ce monde confus et bizarre sans aucun repère autre que ceux donnés par ses parents et son éducation. Et tout va bien pour un moment jusqu'à quand on lui enseigne qu'il ne faut prendre rien pour acquis et qu'il faut tout regarder d'un oeil critique. Et là il ne sait plus quoi ou qui croire et il sent la terre qui fuit sous ses pieds. Et sa soif d'absolu ne peut être apaisée avec des nuances de gris. Alors en prenant le risque d'avoir tort, il s'accroche à JAMAIS et à TOUJOURS. Simplement parce que les humains ont besoin de réponses qui n'existent pas ou qu'ils n'ont pas encore les capacités de comprendre.

Hier encore, j'avais 20 ans, je gaspillais le temps en croyant l'arrêter et pour le retenir même le devancer, je n'ai fait que courir et me suis essoufflé. Ignorant le passé, conjuguant au futur, je précédais de moi toute conversation et donnais mon avis que je voulais le beau pour critiquer le monde avec désinvolture.

All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds

Some might consider it sad to live by what Voltaire described (or more like ridiculed) as being a fallacy. But when your life acquires a faster pace than Candide, you have no choice but to embrace optimism, not because this is the best of all possible worlds, but simply because you do not have the time to dwell on losses. What's more, when one door closes, another opens and every option presents advantages and disadvantages that are not always comparable. So why bother? I often find myself unconsciously repeating this mantra to myself. All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. Because life is made up of too many losses to dwell on them (unless your losses include a butt cheek, almost getting burned alive and being sold into slavery... can't really see the bright side of that).

Life is not about taking the easy way out