Aneurysm

It's been too long. I kind of miss writing here. I just don't have the time right now. However, since today (and by today I mean Monday, even if it is technically Tuesday, but I haven't slept yet so I'm still allowed to call it Monday) was the first day of the week when I officially die and go to hell (if I'm not already in hell), I felt like this song was kind of appropriate. Here's to the end of the week which is coming way too soon and at the same time not soon enough.

Life is an endless search. For security. For happiness. For love. Life is an endless quest on a road with infinite ramifications and possibilities. But sometimes, rarely, sometimes, paths cross and you come face to face with yourself. Like looking through a mirror into the past. Going full circle and coming back at square one only to exchange a smile with mini-me. Listening to this song makes me feel like I've stumbled upon an old friend that I though lost forever. Either I've changed or Linkin Park went back on their creative steps, or we're both meeting half way, but somehow I feel like I'm 14 again. And it feels great!

The sound of music

Bon alors ce soir j'ai fait l'impensable... je suis allée voir un concert de jazz! En 8 ans de festivals de jazz à Montréal, j'ai jamais assisté à un seul concert, mais après un mois en France je me plie à la pression sociale. Bon le mot est un peu fort peut-être (plus du genre, Nanou voulait y aller et moi j'ai dit oui), mais le fait reste que j'ai assisté à un concert de jazz.

Alors, les impréssions? Bon alors je vais commencer avec le plus frappant... le maître d'orchestre qui portait des pantalons noirs comme il se doit, avait un FIL BLANC qui pendait sur sa jambe!! Mais le fil, il venait bien de quelque part! Alors si on regardait plus attentivement (parce que bien sûr, on n'avait rien d'autre à faire), étant donné que le maître d'orchestre, il tourne souvent le dos au public, donc disais-je, en regardant plus attentivement, on voyait qu'entre ses deux fesses, il y avait une partie cousue avec du fil blanc (non mais je rêve?? du fil blanc pour des pantalons noirs? sur les fesses??!!). Et le top du top c'était qu'à un certain moment... il chante... en anglais! Pffuahahaha!! C'est mignon des Français qui chantent en anglais. Ils gardent leur accent haha! Bref, je suis mechante, mais je dois avouer que je me suis bien marrée pendant ce moment de la soirée.

Sinon c'était très bien. Bon, il y avait des chansons sur lesquelles j'avais un peu envie de dormir (surtout quand ils jouaient des blues...), mais il y avait une chanson de Santana... ahlala!! Le solo de guitarre! Domage que le guitariste avait une moustache et était un peu trop vieux pour moi, parce que sinon... De toute façon, j'ai toujours trouvé qu'il y avait quelque chose d'incroyablement sexy à propos d'un mec qui joue de la guitarre. Bon ça depend aussi qu'est-ce qu'il joue, mais là on rentre dans trop de détails.

La dernière chose que j'ai à dire c'est que Nanou m'a bien fait rire au début de la soirée. Elle se tourne vers moi et elle me dit: "On dirait que t'as fait une touche". Et à moi de répondre: "Une touche de quoi?". Bon une fois qu'elle a bien ri de ma gueule, elle me dit que c'est une expréssion pour dire que j'ai fait de l'effet et que le petit jeune (bah il devait quand mm avoir 19 ans... enfin, je pense...) arrêtait pas de me regarder. Hahaha!!! Bon il n'était pas trop mon genre le gars, mais c'était quand même mignon. Par contre, il n'est même pas venu me parler à la fin du concert le connard! Il y avait bien une partie où les musiciens se melaient au public pour prendre un verre (de jus!), mais il est partie en flèche! Bref, tant pis pour lui!

Bref, tout ça pour dire que c'était sympa. ET en sortant avec trois dames de plus de 70 ans, je suis quand même rentrée presqu'à minuit! Quand on pense qu'il y a 2 ans, mes parents auraient flippé si je rentrais à cette heure là... Ah que la vie est ironique...

*Oui je fais exprès d'utiliser tous ces mots français*

Battles and virtues

Funny how we end up despising that which we are. When every move we make is somehow scrutinized, we just spend our lives perfecting our masks in an effort to make them look natural and real. Maybe it might be easier to be ourselves in a foreign land where no one knows us and where we can just blend in the crowd. Let's be honest for just one second here. While we might act all strong and confident, in the end there's always that lonely night when your true face is revealed and it shows the one feeling that you try to hide so much: fear. Life is scary like hell. And I don't think that there's a particular moment when it stops. Routine is the only thing that might put an end to the fear. When you've gone through the motions so often that it becomes a mechanical mindless act, when you can predict every single twitch that comes next, that is when you stop being afraid. That is also when you stop being alive. While humans might generally be averse to fear, it is also what keeps us focused and lucid. Nothing is more exhilarating than making a choice to face your fears and to let yourself fall into the unknown. Fear is an integral part of life and it makes us evolve. Without it, we become simple shells blown away by the wind.

Then again, you need to choose your battles. There is a reason why people are afraid of standing in front of a running train and that is a fear that should NOT be faced!

I also think that something interesting comes out when you do something that you're afraid of, so I try to take things that I'm not sure that I can do. And this was certainly one of them. I didn't feel like I was right for this at all, and I wondered how to find truth in a fairy tale.

Ryan Gosling

The Grinch that stole Christmas

The older I get, the more the idea of Christmas escapes me. With every passing year the magic wears off more and more and I can't seem to get into the so called "Christmas spirit". The excitement disappeared and left only annoyance, frustration and pure coldness. I don't even know what this time of the year is supposed to feel like anymore. Objectively speaking what is Christmas? Last minute shopping in crowded malls where everyone is pushing and pulling and where you are running to get presents in a pre-established amount of time. Crappy sentimental stories (either real or invented) that are supposed to remind us of our humanity by shamelessly pulling at our heartstrings without any real regard for the issue at hand. Sort of like a general fad... hey it's Christmas so this is the one time of the year that we absolutely HAVE TO repeat to you ad nauseaum how love is the only real salvation for this world (in the absence of Jesus for the nonbelievers... though when you think about it, it comes down to the same thing since Jesus was probably THE initial hippie). People asking you for money at every street corner so it's basically a daily guilt trip whenever you take the metro. Commercials trying to convince you for the n-th time that absolute happiness CAN be found in a bottle of shaving cream and that your brother in law who can't stand the sight of you will have no choice but to love you for all eternity if you also get him a pack for Christmas. Dreary suppers where you hear the same stories and same jokes over and over again.

Ironically, the first time I actually felt a semblance of holiday cheer this year was when I heard this song earlier even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the season especially when you actually listen to the lyrics. But at this point, even a sterile and tasteless Christmas spirit is better than none. It's funny how memories and images can get imprinted onto music. I see my late godmother's yard filled with snow with the dark green bushes contrasting sharply. The sky is cloudy but it gives a bluish hue to the scenery that is soothing. It's early morning and absolutely desert and quiet. And that's it. An almost postcard entrance.



Does that mean that I would rather spend Christmas by myself? Maybe it's a good thing that I'm leaving soon. Funny how the solitude is what attracts me most about Paris. Everything is very scary in this move, but ironically, it is the idea that I will be alone and in peace that keeps me sane. I think the Big Bang Theory might be rubbing off on me and I'm slowly becoming Sheldon Cooper...

Life is not about taking the easy way out

You can leave your hat... eugh... socks on

Thea ma amuza tot timpul cu alegerile ei muzicale hahaha!!

Two sides of an equation

Bai da' chiar ca e greu! Sunt femeie deci pot! Stai.
Totusi o sa-ncerc eu sa-ti soptesc: Te iub..coughcoughcough

Ce-i drep de multe ori noi femeile ne credem high and mighty dar la o adica nu suntem mai bune ca si barbatii!

Memories

Sail on the highway, into the darkness, away form the city's many lights, guided only by the starry sky.

Bai inteligentule!

It's ironic how my head is buzzing with thoughts but I can't seem to be able to write any of them down. I'm always too busy, always too tired. This will have to do in the mean time...

Time to say goodbye

Cimitirul eroilor

E ceva poetic despre o flacara care arde in ploaie. Care, in ciuda intemperiilor, greutatilor si obstacolelor, ramane eternela. E ceva admirabil despre aceasta perseverenta. Si aici, focul, vesnicul tiran si distrugator, devine victima timpului si a circumstantelor, iar martirul lui un simbol al sufletelor pure care s-au dat pentru continuitatea unui ideal. Insa aparentele sunt inselatoare. Pe de-aproape poezia pute a petrol.

Yes this is a cult

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Praise the brave and the insane
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Pray the crowds will remain



God I missed going to shows! This was amazing!!

Pop Stars

Should be studying... instead I'm listening to Nickelback and stumbling upon this hahaha

Crash course in philosophy

According to the philosopher Jagger, you can't always get what you want...

House MD

De-maturing

Because being mature is boring!

Random rant/comment/musing

Korean wannabe Backstreet Boys, but the choreography is nicely timed with the song and the water part is just amazing! So overall, yeah I guess it's pretty cool (well obviously I think it's cool cause otherwise it wouldn't be here).



Aaaaaand, just because this is an amazing song (yeah I'm starting to repeat myself) and it kind of resonated through part of my day.



As a side note, I wonder if it looks suspicious if you wear a scarf all day long (at home as well as outside), everyday, for one to two weeks? Hmmm well I guess this theory will get to be tested in the following days. Here's to hoping people are innocent and without a sense of observation... (deep down I really don't care... what I got in exchange was waaaaaaay worth it)

All the world I've seen before me passing by

I can be incredibly slow sometimes. Coming from that perspective, it might somehow be explained why it took me 4 years to figure out that Serj Tankian was one of the singers of SOAD. I guess it comes with the whole enjoy the music, don't give a crap about the band attitude. Anyway, in an effort to further my procrastination, here's ATWA and BYOB.

Canadian Dream (because Americans are not the only ones who dream)

Just because it says "cause everything moves real slow when it's forty below" hahahaha!! Vive le Canada libre! (yes I know I'm committing a sacrilege just by saying that... if only I cared...)

Undecided people

Nu am chef azi, nu am chef azi,

I'm in no mood today, I'm in no mood today,

N-am chef de nimic.

I'm in no mood of anything.

Nu am chef azi, nu am chef azi

I'm in no mood today, I'm in no mood today

De vodca sau de gin,

Of vodka or of gin,

Tequila, rom sau vin

Tequila, rum or wine

Tigari, nu mai vorbesc

I don't even want to talk about cigarettes

Iar pe tine, pe tine,

And you, you,

Pe tine te urasc.

You, I hate.

Nu te vreau azi.

I don't want you today.

Nu ma vrei azi, nu ma vrei azi...

You don't want me today, you don't want me today...

Imi spuse ea razand

She tells me laughing

Nu ma vrei azi, nu ma vrei azi...

You don't want me today, you don't want me today...

S-a ridicat usor, avea un umar gol

She got up slowly with a naked shoulder

Si zambetul amar,

And a bitter smile

Baiete esti prost, iar eu nu sunt o curva

You're an idiot boy, and I am not a whore

Pe-un trotuar!

You found on a sidewalk!

Nu ma vrei azi? Nu te vreau azi!

You don't want me today? I don't want you today!

Nimic mai usor

Easily solved

Nu ma vrei azi! Nu te vreau azi!

You don't want me today? I don't want you today!

Eu voi pleca-n curand,

I will leave soon

Ramai cu mine-n gand.

Keep me in your thoughts

E lapte-n frigider, iar banii, ciorapii si

There's milk in the fridge, and your money, your socks and

Sapca ta sunt pe calorifer.

And your hat are on the heater

Te-am iubit, maaaa!

I loved you!

Te iubeam! Fraiere!

I loved you! Sucker!

"Ne vedem joi, ne vedem joi",

I'll see you on Thursday, I'll see you on Thursday!

Am urlat dupa ea.

I yelled after her.

Vreau sa vii joi, vreau sa vii joi

I want you to come on Thursday, I want you to come on Thursday

Alerg descult pe hol,

I run barefooted in the hallway

Dar holul este gol

But the hallway is empty

Un paharel de vin, ma uit: Cine e?

A glass of wine? I look, who is it?

Vecinul meu Dan de la mezanin.

My neighbor Dan from the mezzanine

Au trecut ani, au trecut ani

Years have passed, years have passed

Si viata s-a schimbat.

And life changed,

Au trecut ani, au trecut ani

Years have passed, years have passed

Mi-am luat si eu nevasta

I got a wife

Urata si cam proasta,

Ugly and a bit stupid,

Am doi copii cu ea

I have two kids with her

Si ii feresc cat pot de mult

And I protect them as much as I can

De soacra mea.

Of my mother-in-law.

Au trecut ani, au trecut ani

Years have passed, years have passed

Si viata s-a schimbat.

And life has changed.

Au trecut ani, au trecut ani

Years have passed, years have passed

Ma duc mereu pe hol, dar holul este gol

I always go in the hallway, but the hallway is empty

Nu-i lapte-n frigider, iar banii, ciorapii

There's no milk in the fridge, and the money, the socks

Si sapca nu-s pe calorifer.

And the hat are not on the heater.

Au trecut ani, nu-s pe calorifer,

Years have passed, they're not on the heater,

Au trcut ani, am fost un fraier,

Years have passed, I was a sucker,

Un mare, mare fraier...

A big, big sucker...

I know I already posted this song once, but I would like to re-post it for the simple reason of emphasizing the message. I would also like to dedicate it to all the guys out there who don't know what they want (which kind of covers almost all of the male population). And I was actually going to follow this with a rant about how much guys can be undecided in life, said rant being full of personal and somewhat unfair examples. But I decided that I'll stop being a hypocritical bitch (I've been enough of that so far this week) because if I think about it, women can be just as bad as men in certain cases. So I guess that in the end, this is about making bad decisions and growing from it. And a general frustration with undecided people. That unfortunately includes me...