Quote of the month

Lorsque je contemple la réalité (ce qui existe à cet instant) j'imagine dans mon esprit comme un sorte de cliché, un instantané, une image mentale comme figée dans la glace, de tout l'Univers maintenant. En écrivant ces mots, mon idée de ce qui existe maintenant, mon idée de la réalité, se réduit à une liste de tous les événements qui, à cet instant, peuplent cette image mentale fixe - le tac de l'aguille de la pendule de ma cuisine qui indique minuit; mon chat figé en plein vol entre le bord de la fênetre et le plancher; les premiers rayons du Soleil illuminant les toits de Paris; le brouhaha à la bourse de Tokyo; la fusion de deux atomes d'hydrogène au coeur de notre Soleil; l'émission d'un photon dans la nébuleuse d'Orion; le dernier souffle d'une étoile près de s'effondrer en trou noir... Voilà les événements qui ont lieu en cet instant précis; […] mais gardons à l'ésprit la complication suivante. Une liste de l'instant présent - la réalité, si l'on en croit cette manière de voir les choses - est un drôle de truc. Rien de ce que l'on voit maintenant n'apparaît sur cette liste de l'instant présent, puisqu'il faut un certain temps à la lumière pour atteindre notre rétine. Tout ce que l'on voit maintenant a déjà eu lieu. […] Par conséquent, aussi étrange que cela puisse paraître, bien que l'image mentale comme figée dans la glace rassemble notre vision de la réalité, notre vision intuitive de "ce qui existe tout là-bas" n'est, quant à elle, constituée que d'événements que l'on ne peut ni expérimenter, ni modifier, ni même enregistrer à l'instant présent. En fait, notre liste de l'instant présent ne peut être réalisée qu'après les faits.

Everything that we see in this instant has already happened.

Brian R. Greene - The Fabric of the Cosmos

How complicated is your life?

My theory is that the degree of complication in one's life is directly proportional to the number of people that said person needs present in his or her life in order to be happy. So as the number of people increases, things get more and more complicated for the simple reason that a limited amount of resources (aka time) has to be divided by a bigger quantity and therefore leaving less and less available for each individual. Thus, those who can be happy by themselves reach a state of minimal complication (following the assumption that happiness is maximized when the individual is alone).

However, as life becomes more and more complicated, happiness has to start decreasing at one point, right? A bit like the concept of diminishing marginal returns, happiness will no longer be able to reach a potential maximum due to the increasing strain that complication puts on it. So for those who need many people in their life in order to be happy, well, they reach some sort of paradoxical state where they simply cannot be happy. In this case, a small number of people decreases their happiness, but an optimal number of people also decreases their happiness through the complication factor.

It's later than quarter after one

The world will never cease to amaze me

This is so stupid and incredibly funny at the same time hahaha! Looks like Facebook does have its uses after all. Thanks Thea for sharing!

Where is my mind?

Sometimes you really just feel like everything is just going to the dogs. Like you're really loosing it and everything is moving one thousand miles an hour in the wrong direction. If there is such a thing as a right direction. And you just feel like yelling STOP! Because you can't breathe anymore. Because you actually have to concentrate in order to get the air into your lungs and not suffocate. Sometimes you wish you could rewind, but you don't quite know exactly to where. There's just too much disorder, too much to do and you're so afraid, and you just want to stop, and you just want to collapse. But you can't. Is that what growing up is like?

I think I need to sleep...

Yes I know, Lady Gaga...

Chut, no comments! I just heard this song at work today and I had it in my head all day long. And after all, it is a decent song and Lady Gaga is a good singer....it's just that her potential isn't used to its fullest.

Nu ma uita

Uneori chiar ma intreb pana unde te poate duce iubirea. Acest sentiment pe care multi il considera ca fiind sursa celor mai mari nebunii pe care oamenii le-au facut vreodata (in afara poate de credinta si de nationalism....dar daca ne gandim bine, amandoua reprezinta o forma de iubire, una de Dumnezeu si cealalta de tara). Sa-ti dai viata pentru o alta fiinta doar pentru ca iubirea ta pentru ea este mai mare decat instinctul de prezervare, sa renunti la tot doar pentru ca celalat ti-o cere si pentru ca simti ca sufoci fara acea prezenta in viata ta. Si sa fiu sincera... nu pricep.

Vorbeam azi cu Cris si el imi spunea cum vrea sa se mute in Belgia pentru ca iubita lui se va muta acolo cu parintii ei si pentru ca el nu vrea sa se desparta de ea. Si poate ca eu am prea multe circuite in mine si prea putine sentimente, dar mi se pare ca face o greseala... si in acelasi timp il admir. As vrea sa am curajul lui. Sa lasi totul in urma, parinti, prieteni, locuri cunoscute, o viata comfortabila, doar ca sa urmezi o persoana care nici macar nu stii daca va mai fi langa tine peste cinci ani. Ce-i drept, ei au trecut prin multe pana acum, de la parinti care se impotrivesc, la mofturi si certuri pentru motive puerile si gelozi neintemeiate. S-au despartit de vreo 3 ori pana acum si separarile au durat de la o saptamana la un an. Deci poate ca toate astea au contribuit sa faca relatia lor mai puternica, dar nu poti spune ca va rezista la orice si ca va dura pentru totdeauna. E un risc enorm pe care el il ia in acest caz pentru aceasta fata si nu stiu cat de mult se merita. Dar el spune ca problema asta nici nu se pune.

Ce e drept, Cris intotdeauna a fost un romantic. Cinic, dar romantic. Acum vreun an jumate stateam de vorba (mai degraba eu plangeam si el ma consola hahaha) despre Iepurele si el imi spunea ca daca ar fi fost in locul meu, el s-ar fi mutat chiar si in satul cel mai pierdut doar ca sa fie cu persoana pe care o iubeste. Si eu i-am zambit si i-am zis ca asta nu e cazul meu. Si uite ca acum imi dovedeste ca nu sunt doar vorbe in vant.

Dar chestia care ma roade cel mai tare este ca niciodata nu asi fi in stare sa ma sacrific pentru dragoste. Si atunci intrebarea pe care mi-o pun este, ma simt asa din cauza personalitatii mele si felul meu de a gandi, sau pur si simplu pentru ca niciodata nu am simtit dragostea aceea adevarata despre care toti vorbesc in carti si in filme, care supravietuieste furtunilor si anilor. Uneori imi spun ca prima mea dragoste a murit pentru ca eu n-am avut curajul sa fac ceva, pentru ca nici n-am considerat optiunea de a ma sacrifica pentru el. Si ironia sortii este ca nici acum nu m-asi putea vedea considerand optiunea aia. Pentru ca riscul e prea mare. Pentru ca toata viata mea mi s-a impuiat capul cu idea ca trebuie sa fiu independenta si ca trebuie sa am securitate financiara. Pentru ca nu am incredere in oameni. Si in special, pentru ca nu am incredere in dragoste. Niciodata nu a existat un sentiment mai puternic si in acelasi timp mai fragil. Dragostea e atat de instabila... in fine, poate doar in cazul meu.

E tarziu si nu stiu ce vroiam sa mai spun. Doar ca nu inteleg. Si ca poate nu esti atat de limitat in viata precum credeam eu initial. Dar iti impui singur limite.

Save me

We all want to be saved. The question is from what? Physical danger? Not usually. We want someone to come and save us from our misery, take away the monotony, relive us from the pain of everyday life, help us make life extraordinary, give us our lost love, bring back people we lost. We wish someone would come and make us special, tell us we are worth it and then cross the ocean just to prove it. It's funny how selfish we can be. It's always about what others can do for us and never what we can do for them. We want others to come with the answers and the sacrifices. But nobody is going to knock on your door one morning and give you your dream job or tell you what to do to be happy. And if there is one thing that I regret up until now in my life is taking the safe road and not having the courage to stand up for what I want most. But safe is boring and will only ever lead you to a monotonous life.

A good friend of mine told me once that you only get tired of things you like, but never of things you love. Probably true. But now the hard part is taking the myriad of puzzle pieces that make up your life and finding those that have stood the test of time. Hmm let's see here...reading, physics, neurobiology, philosophy, drawing, music (but who doesn't like music these days?), airports (for some weird reason, I always get excited and extra happy when I'm in an airport) and some key people that I couldn't remove from my life and my heart even if I wanted to (and in some cases I have tried...sigh, didn't work). So if I were to follow my heart right this instant, I would drop out of Business school, go into neurobiology or physics, move out of my parents' house and preferably go back to Europe (Geneva sounds really good). I'd like to work at CERN or maybe for Doctors Without Borders (surprise surprise, they're both in Geneva). Well maybe I can finish this bachelors (since I don't have to pay for it), do another bachelors in science (physics major with a minor in neurobiology or vice versa), do an MBA and then a PhD (I'll be damned if I know in what hahaha). The problem with that plan is that by the time I finish school I'll probably be 40 (life is so freaking short man!) and I don't think I can get 3 more scholarships to pay for all that (so I'll probably spend the other 40 years that I'll have left to live paying back my student loans). Hahaha this reminds me. Last week I went to this art exposition with my mom and while we were waiting in line to buy tickets, I overheard this girl behind us talking about one of her roommates who was overly obsessed with working and not spending money so that she'd be able to pay for her university degree (yes yes I know it's not nice to eavesdrop but in some cases you can't help it...especially when you have to wait 20 min to buy a pair of tickets). And she absolutely abhorred student loans because her parents used a loan to get through their studies and until that day they were still paying it back and they droned it into her head that student loans were the epitome of evil in life. Anyway, I know that each case is different, but the conclusion is that even though higher education is more accessible in Canada than in the US, spending half your life in school is still not an option (unless you're rich...in that case, by all means go ahead).

So all that to say that I'm kind of confused as to what I should do with my life and what sacrifices I should/am willing to make in order to get what I want. And I wish I had someone to tell me to chill. And I wish someone would tell me which road to take and which not to take. I wish someone would tell me that I'm going to be ok. Could someone please save me?



This video really reminds me of Death Note. Guess it's part of what makes it so cool hahaha.

Change the world and live forever