Save me

We all want to be saved. The question is from what? Physical danger? Not usually. We want someone to come and save us from our misery, take away the monotony, relive us from the pain of everyday life, help us make life extraordinary, give us our lost love, bring back people we lost. We wish someone would come and make us special, tell us we are worth it and then cross the ocean just to prove it. It's funny how selfish we can be. It's always about what others can do for us and never what we can do for them. We want others to come with the answers and the sacrifices. But nobody is going to knock on your door one morning and give you your dream job or tell you what to do to be happy. And if there is one thing that I regret up until now in my life is taking the safe road and not having the courage to stand up for what I want most. But safe is boring and will only ever lead you to a monotonous life.

A good friend of mine told me once that you only get tired of things you like, but never of things you love. Probably true. But now the hard part is taking the myriad of puzzle pieces that make up your life and finding those that have stood the test of time. Hmm let's see here...reading, physics, neurobiology, philosophy, drawing, music (but who doesn't like music these days?), airports (for some weird reason, I always get excited and extra happy when I'm in an airport) and some key people that I couldn't remove from my life and my heart even if I wanted to (and in some cases I have tried...sigh, didn't work). So if I were to follow my heart right this instant, I would drop out of Business school, go into neurobiology or physics, move out of my parents' house and preferably go back to Europe (Geneva sounds really good). I'd like to work at CERN or maybe for Doctors Without Borders (surprise surprise, they're both in Geneva). Well maybe I can finish this bachelors (since I don't have to pay for it), do another bachelors in science (physics major with a minor in neurobiology or vice versa), do an MBA and then a PhD (I'll be damned if I know in what hahaha). The problem with that plan is that by the time I finish school I'll probably be 40 (life is so freaking short man!) and I don't think I can get 3 more scholarships to pay for all that (so I'll probably spend the other 40 years that I'll have left to live paying back my student loans). Hahaha this reminds me. Last week I went to this art exposition with my mom and while we were waiting in line to buy tickets, I overheard this girl behind us talking about one of her roommates who was overly obsessed with working and not spending money so that she'd be able to pay for her university degree (yes yes I know it's not nice to eavesdrop but in some cases you can't help it...especially when you have to wait 20 min to buy a pair of tickets). And she absolutely abhorred student loans because her parents used a loan to get through their studies and until that day they were still paying it back and they droned it into her head that student loans were the epitome of evil in life. Anyway, I know that each case is different, but the conclusion is that even though higher education is more accessible in Canada than in the US, spending half your life in school is still not an option (unless you're rich...in that case, by all means go ahead).

So all that to say that I'm kind of confused as to what I should do with my life and what sacrifices I should/am willing to make in order to get what I want. And I wish I had someone to tell me to chill. And I wish someone would tell me which road to take and which not to take. I wish someone would tell me that I'm going to be ok. Could someone please save me?



This video really reminds me of Death Note. Guess it's part of what makes it so cool hahaha.