Wings

Credit: noirclair.deviantart.com

Thank you. That’s all I can say. And you will surely run away and never come anywhere near me after this for it will finally expose me for the nutcase I really am, but I have to say it. We broke up about a year ago (who am I kidding? A year and 13 days…not that I was counting, but we broke up on January 1^st so it’s kind of hard to not keep track), but I had a really hard time letting go of you and my feelings for you. I don’t know how important I was for you (probably just another girlfriend in the pile), but you occupied a very important place in my life. You were my first love and that made you (and despite everything you still are) special to me. You made me feel more alive than I had ever been. Needless to say, once I came back to Canada I started dying little by little, closing myself a little bit more everyday, suffocating under the days that passed by and only kept alive by your emails which after a while became more and more scarce. This cycle culminated in that New Year’s Day when everything ended and even though I fully agreed with the logic of our decision, my entire body somehow felt numb. The next day, for the first time in my life, at 6 AM I found myself wide awake and staring at the ceiling. You came to talk to me on the mess. You told me you made a stupid mistake. Hahaha, I was such an idiot to feel hope at those words. “I dyed my hair red!” Right. Stupid me. Months passed by, schoolwork piled up and I managed to forget to think about you. It somehow became more bearable. But whenever I was at parties, whenever I was hanging out with friends, whenever I felt lonely, my mind inevitably turned to you. Ha, I remember last May when you had that on-off relationship with that girl. You weren’t really dating, but you were so close to actually replacing me and it felt like we were breaking up all over again. I just couldn’t stand it. Now don’t get me wrong. I got over you six months ago. But there was still a link that pulled me towards you whenever I felt lost, like I somehow couldn’t let go. And now you tell me you have someone else in your life. I have finally and officially been replaced. By all means, this should have plunged me into a deep depression, but after the first awkward hour or two, I just felt….free! It’s like you reached out and cut the cord that tied me to you when I couldn’t. You compensated for my weakness and now for the first time in a year I can look around me and see the colors in the world. I can see the possibilities in front of me. I can wake up in the morning without having to wonder what the use of getting out of bed is. So thank you, you who have broken my wings and have finally given them back to me. Thank you for bringing me back from the dead.