You know that you are waaaay too young to feel this old when you are listening to "Hier encore" by Charles Aznavour and you're not even 20! Well in that case, be it! Here is this wonderful song that should be nowhere near my IPod but nonetheless is there and has been there for quite some time.
Hier encore, J'avais vingt ans. Je caressais le temps, Et jouais de la vie Comme on joue de l'amour, Et je vivais la nuit, Sans compter sur mes jours Qui fuyaient dans le temps. J'ai fait tant de projets Qui sont restés en l'air, J'ai fondé tant d'espoirs Qui se sont envolés, Que je reste perdu Ne sachant où aller, Les yeux cherchant le ciel, Mais le cœur mis en terre.
Hier encore, J'avais vingt ans. Je gaspillais le temps, En croyant l'arrêter, Et pour le retenir Même le devancer, Je n'ai fait que courir Et me suis essoufflé. Ignorant le passé, Conjuguant au futur, Je précédais de moi Toute conversation Et donnait mon avis que je voulais le beau, Pour critiquer le monde Avec désinvolture.
Hier encore, J'avais vingt ans, Mais j'ai perdu mon temps A faire des folies Qui ne me laissent au fond Rien de vraiment précis, Que quelques rides au front Et la peur de l'ennui. Car mes amours sont mortes Avant que d'exister, Mes amis sont partis et ne reviendront pas. Par ma faute J'ai fait le vide autour de moi, Et j'ai gâché ma vie, Et mes jeunes années. Du meilleur et du pire, En jetant le meilleur, J'ai figé mes sourires, Et j'ai glacé mes pleurs. Où sont-ils à présent, A présent, Mes vingt ans?As for the title of this post, it's taken from a Three Days Grace song called "World So Cold" (yes huge contrast with the previous song, but I like to mess people up).
Ok I know that when you talk about the quote of the month it's supposed to be just that: A quote. But I want to put here three quotes that come back to the same subject which has been on my mind a lot lately.
"I submit to you that if a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."
Martin Luther King Jr.
"I feel sorry for the person who can't get genuinely excited about his work. Not only will he never be satisfied, but he will never achieve anything worthwhile."
Walter Chrysler
"Some of us will do our jobs well and some will not, but we will be judged by only one thing: the result."
Vince Lombardi
All these things might seem common sense to most people, but to me it has been a bit of a revelation. I have been thinking about my future and about career options a lot lately. And that last quote struck a chord in my reflections. The effort you put into something is completely irrelevant and no one is going to give you brownie points because you have done your best. Your best is worthless unless it can produce results. So then when you choose a career, don't take into account such futile things like the pay or how likely you are to find a job in the field. Because you won't be able to keep your job if you aren't good at what you are doing. And maybe I'm just a naive kid whose eyes have suddenly been opened, but having the typical teenage flaw, I always considered myself somewhat invincible. In school, I always managed to get myself out of the most impossible situations and I did it fairly well. But the real world isn't like school and just telling myself that I'm going to be ok isn't enough anymore. I have to make up my mind, do something, and do it well! Or else nothing will matter... and that's scary.
About a week ago, I was walking with a friend of mine in downtown Montreal and we ran across this drunk Spanish guy who kept repeating "Cabrones los Quebequences!" (meaning "these Quebecers are real bastards"...and yes I had to look in the dictionary...my Spanish isn't all that good). And it made me laugh because you don't see something like that everyday. I like drunk people because they have the courage to tell the world to go to hell and they voice things that most of the time we keep bottled up for fear of offending someone. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that we should all get drunk and start a fight. I'm actually all against violence. But I do think that the world needs a bit more sincerity... and extravagance. Because let's face it, a world where everyone keeps in their own closed up little world, where everyone minds their own business, where the streets are filled with people going to work and then back home and where everyone does their best to fit it, well it's a pretty boring world. From the hundreds of times I took the metro in the past years, do I remember the people sitting there reading their newspaper or their books? No, I remember the guy who would spit at the closing doors and I remember the guys dressed as pirates who started pounding on the windows of the metro. I think we should have more apparent diversity in this world because all diversity is good. Freaks, weirdos, handicapped people, gays, drunks, homeless people and all the different cultures of the world should be posted on every street corner. Because that way: 1) our days will be more colorful (yes, yes, insensitive freak that I am) and most importantly, 2) we will never forget their existence. We must break from our cozy, safe and protected air-tight bubble and see that the world is not as great as we might think. There is suffering even in the glorious New World. There are people who struggle and who get stepped upon. And on the other hand, there are people who are simply different and who don't ask for anything but to be accepted as they are and not judged for it.
So homework for the end of the week: go out, take a walk and try to find someone who is different. And try to imagine what it's like to be in their shoes for a day.
This is an amazing cover by Placebo of an old Kate Bush song. Frankly, it's one of the few songs where the remake is better than the original. So start playing the song and just close your eyes. Imagine a full moon on a warm summer night, a light breeze touching your face and absolutely no one around you. Where would you be? What surrounds you? That's pretty much up to you. It's a song that allows you to dream and to hope. It gives you wings when you feel tied up to the ground and it allows you to breathe when reality starts to choke your spirit.
Ok enough talking, just listen to the damn song!
It seems like I'm on a roll today since my accounting homework is less appealing than ever right now, so let's get to another topic that has been quite important in my life up until now in one way or another: the environment.
I've been involved with environmental organizations at school in a way or another since the age of 14. Considering it's been 5 years (and relativity teaches us that the younger you are the greater the impact of one year on your life), one might think that it's something I care about a lot (that's what I told those people from med school during my entrance interview in any case). But the truth is, I don't... not really. So I guess that would make me a hypocrite and, what's more, not a very convincing one at that (the people from med school didn't believe me). So that brings us to the reasons as to why I do it.
Initially, it was because I needed volunteer hours in order to get my high school diploma and the school's environmental organization was a convenient choice. But why did I keep returning to the environment whenever I had a project or a topic to choose at school? One might say that it was out of habit or because it's something I'm comfortable with. Then why do I recycle? More importantly, why did I bug my parents to recycle? (my parents who have spent the largest part of their life in Romania, are as environmentally friendly as Bush is). Now I don't mean to criticize my parents. They are good people and in fact, I think that in this difference in mentality lies the answer to my questions (at least on this topic).
Why do people recycle? Why do they get involved in environmental projects? Why do they participate in rallies against CO2 emissions? Well for the simple reason that an environmental conscience has been ingrained in us in the Western world through schools and the media for the past 10 years. In Montreal, when the thermometer goes past 30°C in the summer, buses reduce their fees to encourage people to leave their cars at home. In Romania, the government frequently announces upcoming heat waves and provides advices to the populations (like spend time in an air-conditioned shopping mall) and provides spots with an access to water supplies in major cities, but they rarely link the phenomenon to global warming. Schools never mention recycling to students (or at least they didn't in the 6 years that I studied there) and overall, people have higher concerns than reducing their carbon emissions (like furnishing your new apartment in the latest fashion and with the latest technologies, ensuring that crops produce enough and at a reasonable price, or simply trying to get enough to eat every day...as you can see, concerns vary depending on income and social status).
Now if we judge Romanian politics from the western point of view, they may seem backward, lacking insight and simply insensitive to a problem that concerns us all (because we and our industrial actions are the cause of the problem). But frankly, when you're on the verge of bankruptcy, the environment is the last thing on your agenda and I think that all developing countries like China and India have the same mentality. And how about we turn the tables and judge Canadian or western European policies (unfortunately we can't include the US because Bush refused to ratify Kyoto) from the point of view of a developing country. Wouldn't it seem like a lot of money is spent (or planning to be spent....politicians always seem to plan things but never get them done) on something that makes us feel good about ourselves? Because that is what all this environmental frenzy is: a way to make us feel like we're doing something noble and good for all humanity. That is why I have been doing it.
But overall, is recycling our humanities essays and cutting down on our time in the shower actually going to do anything? We often hear about the mass effect... if all of North America contributes, then we shall all be saved. I don't really have any numbers on this, but I wonder just how much good are our meagre efforts doing compared to all the multinationals which keep polluting like there's no tomorrow. And if anyone gets in their way (like the government), well they just move to China or India where they can pretty much do whatever they want environmentally-wise. And speaking about the government, what is it doing to help the planet? Carbon taxes! Ah the dear old carbon taxes. Now I don't know if anybody ever read a nice little book called "Cool It: The Skeptical Environmentalist's Guide To Global Warming" by Bjorn Lomborg, but it actually has quite an interesting stance on the subject. The book has been subject to a lot of controversy (as you would expect on something that strays from mainstream ideas about the environment), but basically what it presents us with is alternatives to Kyoto which is mainly focused on cutting down our CO2 emissions. By using UN reports and statistics, Lomborg shows how the situation isn't as catastrophic as the media make it out to be and how, by investing in R&D and social measures rather than following Kyoto, we can obtain much better results as far as human welfare is concerned. Because overall, what are we really trying to do? Make sure that temperatures stay constant for the next millenia (which is preposterous since it goes against the very nature of the planet which has been through various ice ages since it came into being) or make sure that the global population has the best living conditions possible? I'll leave that to you to ponder and take a look at the book if you ever get the chance. I know that it seems contrary to all that we have been hearing so far in the media and myself, I was reluctant to believe it at first, but the guy does have 40 pages of bibliography! That has to count as some proof that what he is saying isn't complete and total nonsense.
And after all this, I know that I might seem like some insensitive, hypocritical ass who denies the very existence of global warming. That is not true (well I might be a bit of a hypocrite, but then again who isn't these days). Global warming is real and we are the cause of it. However, we shouldn't loose our sleep over it and as ordinary citizens, I don't think that there is much we can do about it. We can gather in the streets and protest, but then again what kind of measures should we request? In the end, I think it comes down to a question of priorities and how much we are willing to sacrifice. But one thing is for sure. We should all, each and every one of us, stop saying that we want to build a better world for future generations. After all, future generations in Africa won't care much if summers are 5°C hotter if they have nothing to eat, drink and they are dying of AIDS. And yes global warming will ruin crops and reduce the amount of water available (from what CERTAIN models predict). But if we only invest in the environment, things will at best only remain as they are now (slim consolation). By actually investing in agriculture and in better water irrigation and storage systems we might actually have a chance to improve things. In any case, I'm not going to rewrite Lomborg's book here (though I am on the right track). Just read it if the subject is of any interest to you.
Now before I end this already unbearably long post, I'll just leave you with a sketch by George Carlin which touches on the subject and brings a few balls in the homecourt.
The wind blows a last dispersing breath.
Shit.
The sun sheds its first rays over this maddening scene.
Shit.
Why am I still breathing?
Why is the engine still rolling?
Why are ashes floating?
Shit. Oh shit, oh shit…
Why am I still flying?
What have I left behind?
Shit, shit, shit!
Such bright colors…
Shit.
Such grandiose features…
Shit.
Such intricate textures…
Shit.
Such power, speed, agility…
Shit,
Shit,
Shit!
Such silence,
Such swiftness,
Such madness,
Shit.
Is it over?
Shit.
Why did I push the button?
Why did I release Little Boy?
Shit.
Ever wonder what went through the mind of the pilots who released the atomic bombs during WWT?
Oh, if any sensitive people read this, sorry for the language, but I highly doubt that someone would use words like darn of fudge after killing almost 100 000 people in an instant.
I freaking hate oral presentations! They make me feel so naked, so vulnerable. And the worst is that the people listening to you don't care much about what you are going to say. They want to get it over with just as much as you do. So then why is it such a big deal?
Do you ever feel like life is just one picture after another stuck on a wall? Like every worthwhile moment can be resumed in one picture that goes into the photoalbum of your memory? And that's what we end up with at the end. A series of pictures that have made us laugh, cry, scream or want to hide under the covers of our bed for the rest of the week. Words, unless repeated ad nauseum, seem to fade, but images stubornly stick to the confines of our mind, constantly reminding us of our experiences, of who we are, of what brought us here.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about marriage and what makes people stay together an entire lifetime. Is there such a love? Looking around me at all the broken couples, looking at my parents and how their marriage is holding just by a thread that they carefully protect by ignoring the complete lack of love between them, I sometimes despair. And then I take the bus and I see in such an ordinary setting an exotic flower that entrances me and whether I want it or not, it leaves me with a smile on my face. Two people well in their 80’s sit down across from me. His legs are so thin and white and stained with spots that one wonders how they can still support his body’s weight. She is just as frail and I can’t help noticing her long scrawny fingers slightly shaking. He takes her hands into his and kisses her temples with a look of pure adoration in his eyes. I feel like I shouldn’t be looking, like this moment is theirs to savour and that I’m somehow trespassing on some special ritual. But I can’t take my eyes off them and for that small instant, for that moment, I can breathe again. I hear my grandfather’s voice again: “Bunicuta, tu ma mai iubesti?”, and the gentle, sweet tone he uses to formulate those words. Maybe there is hope.
Why is it that the hardest things in the world are beginnings and endings? It shouldn't be all that hard to tell the world why you are doing something (like this blog), why they should listen to you, why you are important. But it is. Because we are afraid of what others will think, of the way that we are going to be perceived. Are people going to find me too presumptuous if I speak this way? Am I going to be labeled as a nerd if I start off with this topic? And let's not forget that first impressions are what count most, especially in this world where no one has the time to get to know you unless you get them interested first. Personally I fit in the shy category and I find that as I grow older I find it harder and harder to show the real me around strangers. Half of it is that I don't want to be judged, but the other half is simply that I'm not interested in these people. So I end up committing the exact same crime that I accuse everyone else of. It all comes down to catching people's attention. And it gets tiring to always be interesting, exciting and provocative, especially when you're not. So this blog is a place for my thoughts, my reflexions, a general conversation with my mind before I chuck myself into the psychiatric asylum, or if you will, a sort of diary since I don't really expect anyone to read through all this. So there it is, long ass intro for something that could have been resumed in two lines. But then again, another thing I'm tired of is briefness. You always have to get to the point as soon as possible. Well not here!
