Dan Gilbert's explanation on how we find happiness is not the typical glamorous self-help 10-step process that we follow and then find eternal happiness. I think what he's saying is that no matter what we do, no matter how much we screw up, we have a built-in safety net. And as long as we let go and let ourselves fall, we'll be happy.
I had a professor discuss this philosophy in class this week and she presented natural happiness vs synthetic happiness this way:
Natural happiness
You're single and you go this friend's party. You get there, you get yourself a drink and sit in your corner looking around. And all of a sudden, you lock eyes. There he/she is. You both can't look away. You are drawn to each other. The rest of the room doesn't exist anymore. You walk towards each other in perfect synchronicity. You meet and this is IT! You date for 6 months, get married have 2.1 kids and live happily ever after.
Synthetic happiness
You're single and you go partying and drinking with your friends every week. You get wasted every time, you do some crazy stuff and overall have a great time. Then the years pass, you graduate, you get a job in a bank, your cool friends are all splattered all over the globe and you never see them anymore. Then you reach 30, you start feeling the pressure mount so you just settle on someone and get married. Some more years pass and the pressure comes back so you eventually end up having a kid. And you don't want too much of an age difference, so you have another kid. And before you know it you're 45 and you start wondering how much of your life you chose and how much of it just happened on you.
And at that point of the story, one guy in the class just let out this loud groan in which you could REALLY feel the pain. His worst nightmare coming true in the space of 5 minutes. But honestly, I think that this is the really crucial point in the story. Because here you have a life-changing choice to make. Either you stick it through and make the best of it or you pick up your bags, leave everything and start over. I think that religious people for whom divorce is NOT an option just might be happier because they don't have to struggle with the choice and then feel miserable with whichever decision they make. Because let's face it. If you do leave your wife/husband and kids, how can you live without remorse (and be sure that your kids will make it a point of duty to remind you of it at every family reunion that you're still invited to). But it you stay, you'll always wonder what your life would have been like if you had the courage to take a chance. And since american societies really place this kind of individuality and the whole "follow your dreams to the end of the rainbow where your reward is patiently waiting for you" crap, well you'll always feel like you somehow failed. However, realistically speaking, most of us don't get their Hollywood picture perfect ending. And I've already said this, but the chances of finding THE ONE are quite slim. Even if the mushy theories are true and there is one perfect person for me out there, I really don't want to wait until I'm 60 to meet him. In the mean time, I have a life and I have to make the best of it. Now the only problem is deciding when exactly is the time to give up the freedom to go back. Should we settle at 20? At 30? At 40? I have an inkling that the answer is not the same for everyone. And it probably sounds something like "when you're ready".
On a lighter note, here's my own personal brand of happiness these days:
Vanilla Rooibos tea! It's like heaven in my mouth! And I only bought it because I broke my dad's tea pot and had to go to David's Tea to buy him a new one. It's nice how things work out sometimes, don't you think?
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