Free fall or how a busy schedule forces you to postpone

I am ashamed to say that today I have nothing. My exams and projects are cramming so much of my time that I haven't had any time to research any new theory this week. So I guess that all I can offer right now is a promise for a 2 for 1 deal next week. And I can leave you with this wisdom freshly squeezed from my personal experience during the past couple of days:

Happiness is finding the courage and strength to do what has and is needed to be done at the expense of what you actually want to do. Happiness is finding within you the power to follow your instincts and swallow your pride. Happiness is making someone else laugh when they need it the most. Happiness is being at your lowest and being able to gain perspective. Happiness is being able to say yes more often than you say no.

Happiness is in the mind of the beholder

I never really explained yesterday's post and when you present happiness as your brain rationalizing "it's not so bad" it kind of needs a few extra words. I know they're excuses, but I was falling asleep in front of my computer last night. So here's my take on it.

Dan Gilbert's explanation on how we find happiness is not the typical glamorous self-help 10-step process that we follow and then find eternal happiness. I think what he's saying is that no matter what we do, no matter how much we screw up, we have a built-in safety net. And as long as we let go and let ourselves fall, we'll be happy.

I had a professor discuss this philosophy in class this week and she presented natural happiness vs synthetic happiness this way:

Natural happiness

You're single and you go this friend's party. You get there, you get yourself a drink and sit in your corner looking around. And all of a sudden, you lock eyes. There he/she is. You both can't look away. You are drawn to each other. The rest of the room doesn't exist anymore. You walk towards each other in perfect synchronicity. You meet and this is IT! You date for 6 months, get married have 2.1 kids and live happily ever after.

Synthetic happiness

You're single and you go partying and drinking with your friends every week. You get wasted every time, you do some crazy stuff and overall have a great time. Then the years pass, you graduate, you get a job in a bank, your cool friends are all splattered all over the globe and you never see them anymore. Then you reach 30, you start feeling the pressure mount so you just settle on someone and get married. Some more years pass and the pressure comes back so you eventually end up having a kid. And you don't want too much of an age difference, so you have another kid. And before you know it you're 45 and you start wondering how much of your life you chose and how much of it just happened on you.

And at that point of the story, one guy in the class just let out this loud groan in which you could REALLY feel the pain. His worst nightmare coming true in the space of 5 minutes. But honestly, I think that this is the really crucial point in the story. Because here you have a life-changing choice to make. Either you stick it through and make the best of it or you pick up your bags, leave everything and start over. I think that religious people for whom divorce is NOT an option just might be happier because they don't have to struggle with the choice and then feel miserable with whichever decision they make. Because let's face it. If you do leave your wife/husband and kids, how can you live without remorse (and be sure that your kids will make it a point of duty to remind you of it at every family reunion that you're still invited to). But it you stay, you'll always wonder what your life would have been like if you had the courage to take a chance. And since american societies really place this kind of individuality and the whole "follow your dreams to the end of the rainbow where your reward is patiently waiting for you" crap, well you'll always feel like you somehow failed. However, realistically speaking, most of us don't get their Hollywood picture perfect ending. And I've already said this, but the chances of finding THE ONE are quite slim. Even if the mushy theories are true and there is one perfect person for me out there, I really don't want to wait until I'm 60 to meet him. In the mean time, I have a life and I have to make the best of it. Now the only problem is deciding when exactly is the time to give up the freedom to go back. Should we settle at 20? At 30? At 40? I have an inkling that the answer is not the same for everyone. And it probably sounds something like "when you're ready".

On a lighter note, here's my own personal brand of happiness these days:

Vanilla Rooibos tea! It's like heaven in my mouth! And I only bought it because I broke my dad's tea pot and had to go to David's Tea to buy him a new one. It's nice how things work out sometimes, don't you think?

Dan Gilbert - The surprising science of happiness

So part two of my little project brings a bit of merit to the age old phrase "All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds". I don't know if it's a philosophy on giving up, but in any case it brings some insights into the physiology of happiness. Dan Gilbert is a professor and researcher at Harvard in the department of psychology and he spent many years looking into the concept of happiness. And here is a talk he did for TED. Absolutely brilliant!

 

James Montier - If it makes you happy: The Psychology of Happiness

I'll start with already done research.

James Montier is an investment analyst working for Société Générale and he has written numerous articles about the stock market and behavioral finance. But he also wrote an article on what his idea of happiness involves and it breaks down to 10 rules to follow. His complete article can be found here.

• Don’t equate happiness with money. People adapt to income shifts relatively quickly, the long lasting benefits are essentially zero.
• Exercise regularly. Taking regular exercise generates further energy, and stimulates the mind and the body.
• Have sex (preferably with someone you love). Sex is consistently rated as amongst the highest generators of happiness. So what are you  waiting for?
• Devote time and effort to close relationships. Close relationships require work and effort, but pay vast rewards in terms of happiness.
• Pause for reflection, meditate on the good things in life. Simple reflection on the good aspects of life helps prevent hedonic adaptation.
• Seek work that engages your skills, look to enjoy your job. It makes sense to do something you enjoy. This in turn is likely to allow you to flourish at your job, creating a pleasant feedback loop.
• Give your body the sleep it needs.
• Don’t pursue happiness for its own sake, enjoy the moment. Faulty perceptions of what makes you happy, may lead to the wrong pursuits. Additionally, activities may become a means to an end, rather than something to be enjoyed, defeating the purpose in the first place.
• Take control of your life, set yourself achievable goals.
• Remember to follow all the rules.

Flirting With Red Balloons project

Yesterday I was talking about perfection and how it could be counter productive to the pursuit of happiness. And this morning I remembered an article I read a couple of weeks ago by James Mortier called "If it makes you happy: The Psychology of Happiness" where he gives 10 rules to follow for a happy life. And though I don't think that one article has all the answers to this very thorny question (not to mention that we are all different and we don't all have the same recipe for happiness), it might hold part of the equation.

Whether you're religious or not, whether you're young or old, whether you have a Ph.D. or you can't even read, no matter who you are and what you do, pursuing happiness is in a sense your life's quest. Sartre said that as human beings we are responsible for our own lives. And because, when we come into this world, the universe doesn't hand us any script or particular purpose, it is our job to find a purpose and a place in the world for ourselves. Pursuing happiness seems like as good a purpose as any to me. Plus, when you break it down, every life goal comes down to an honest shot at happiness. Whether you're trying to save the world or just doing a 9 to 5 job and then coming home to your cat. The only problem is that sometimes we get sidetracked and lost in the nitty gritty details and we forget to look at the big picture.

So here's the thing. Right now, I need a hobby other than watching stupid TV series (wretched habit... almost like letting someone else live your life for you). And since I'm constantly doing research about the stock market, might as well throw in some research on how to be happy. Therefore, I had this brilliant (or insane depending on how you look at it) idea. We have exactly 12 weeks left until the end of the year. So every week, I'll post a theory or philosophy about happiness. And to complete the loop on the scientific method, starting next year, I'll test each one of them during one month and then post my evaluation of it. I do realize that this methodology is inherently flawed from inception as some theories might take more than 30 days of experimentation in order for the full effect to be seen. However, I'll include that in my evaluation and adjust as I go. Also, some theories might include elements kind of hard to test out under present circumstances (such as fall in love and start a family). Well, I'll deal with it when I get there. This project might be a total failure. But at least I tried it out.

So here it is! 3000 years of philosophy and self help books condensed in speed dating style. And to be cheesy until the end, let's call this project Flirting With Red Balloons (not the best title I ever came up with but I have other things to do today than ponder upon this question... soooo shall we say subject to revision?)

Pursuits

I really don't have time for this but I feel that if I don't get it out now, it'll probably choke me as I walk towards my bus stop. And as a side note, I am wondering how healthy it really is to be writing all this down on a blog instead of just telling it to an actual person. It probably ties in with everything I guess. Paper, or in this case electronic bits on an unknown server somewhere in the world, they don't talk back, they don't argue. They take all your arguments as being the ultimate truth. You cannot be wrong as there is no one to disprove you. And this brings me to my main point: perfection. I do believe I have been talking about this before. Naturally, as it has been on my mind constantly for the past couple of years. Perfection put on a pedestal. Perfection elevated up to an art. Perfection on a white frame hung up on the wall. Perfection pursued with a tenacity that becomes maladive. I think I read somewhere that perfectionists also tend to be procrastinators because, unless they have that perfect idea on how to start the job (and let's be honest, how often does that happen?), they will put off starting to work on it, waiting for divine inspiration to strike. And when that doesn't happen, you eventually run out of time and do it last minute in sictir simply because you don't have any other choice. But anyway, this is not supposed to be an apology for why I'm constantly doing my assignments at 2 AM the night before I have to hand them in. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that the  pursuit of perfection and excellence is ingrained in our society (just look at the presidential elections in the US... you're not allowed to have one single fault) to the point of it becoming a part of our nature. Every new year we pledge that we will become better, healthier, more organized, more loving, more open, etc. Only to fail miserably every single year. And then we beat ourselves up over it. So my question is this: perfection might be a pretty concept (kind of like unicorns), but does it make us happy? I might try my hardest to be critical and smart and thin, but does that make me happier than the poor slob who's laughing his ass off watching Charlie the unicorn. And after all what is happiness? Yes, I know, 3 000 years of philosophy haven't been able to answer that question, what the hell are my chances of figuring it out? Probably slim to none, but there are some questions that never leave you. And maybe when you can stop worrying about the end, you can actually enjoy the ride. Maybe a better strategy would be to pursue the perfection of each moment and take the chance that the end result would be less than perfect.