Me, myself and I in retrospectiva 2012

E tarziu. Dimineata tarziu. A trecut anul nou. Retrospectiva mea s-a rezumat la 3 secunde de connexiuni neuronale. Nimic liric sau literar. Nu mi-am scris rezolutiile. Nu mi-am terminat proiectele. In momentul de fata, totul suna pompos. Pretentios. Inutil. Ultimul an a fost ametitor. Mi-a deschis ochii la multe. Poate nu chiar la ce trebuia. Realizez ca am petrecut 12 luni fugind si ascunzanduma. Au fost momente glamorous. Dar toate superficiale. Au fost momente perfecte. Dar probabil cele mai inocente si pentru care nu trebuie sa mergi la celalalt capat al lumii ca sa le traiesti. Au fost decepti. Dar la care ar fi trebuit sa ma astept. Deci care este rezumatul? Experienta. Anul asta mi-a lasat multe poze si  multe urme pe suflet. Unele bune, altele rele. Am impresia ca am imbatranit foarte mult. Si e trist. Copilaria nu trebuie lasata niciodat in urma. Dar uneori nu ai de ales. Ca sa inchizi un capitol trebuie sa renunti la o parte din tine. Si sa constuiesti pe ce a ramas. Anul asta am sters mult. Dar deocamdata pagina ramane goala. In 2013 vreau sa urmez sfatul pe care il dau in mod constant la toate prietenele mele si pe care eu nu prea il urmez niciodata. Vreau sa ma uit in oglinda cu luciditate si fara frica. Vreau sa nu mai fug. Vreau sa imi duc reflectiile pana la capat si sa nu mai traiesc din iluzii. Am mai spus-o de doua ori pana acum, dar acum trebuie sa o iau in serios. Vreau sa fiu mai puternica si mai disciplinata. Vreau sa am macar impresia ca pot schimba ceva in viata mea.

All is new and all is old

Here we are. Another year is dying before our eyes and it is time for the traditional look back on the past twelve months. And as I'm trying to find a word (or two) to qualify the year that has just passed, the only thing that comes to mind is frantic. It started off at a leisurely pace, but by the time the first third was done, I was back to running back and forth between ten million activities. Though it doesn't make for a very healthy lifestyle, I can't say I hate it. I guess that by keeping busy you make sure that you're never bored and there's always something new to discover (even though you might also sometimes feel like you're close to losing your mind).

Another theme that came out strongly this year was creativity, discovery, emerveillement and, if I may say so, dreams. It was a year for pushing the boundaries of what is possible, for remembering what is like to be a kid, for letting yourself bask in wonder. And though the ups and downs were huge, I had a wonderful time through it all.

2011 also marked my official and definitive break-up with tequila (it's not you babe, it's me!) and it saw me crossing over to the dark side (I decided to buy... a purse. Shhhhh!!! No one has to know!!).

I dedicated 2011 to selfishness and self-discovery. Now I think it's time for self-improvement. So I'm dedicating 2012 to discipline and knowledge. I want to take my time. RDI had a commercial where they said that for the new year, they wish everyone to make a difference in the lives of their loved ones. Well, I'm not going so far, but I want to make a difference in my life. So, while taking the risk of sounding cliché, here's to better habits!

Happy New Year everyone!

Reflexions on what has passed and what will come

Ok we are officially on New Year's Eve!! Yey? I guess this calls for a retrospection of the past year and an evaluation of what I want for the following year.

Well, I kind of have a hard time defining the year that has just passed. It was... exhilarating, blissful, frustrating, enlightening, childish, annoying, difficult, easy, amazing, painful, enriching at times and empty at others. Each moment has its label, each memory has a different emotion attached to it. And so we grow and we evolve. This year has not been perfect, but that's because life is not perfect and we are not perfect. The only thing we can do is make the most of it and live without any regrets. And I think I have accomplished that this year because there is NOTHING that I regret (except maybe for one drunken night, but even that is debatable because, hey, I learned a lot about myself!).

So what do I want for the next year? Hmm tough question... I'd have to say that the thing I need most right now is balance. I need to figure myself out (and find the answers to my Things I Need To Figure Out list), and find a balance for myself. For the past year I have focused too much on relationships and not enough on myself. So I'd like to dedicate the following year to being egoistical, self-centered and a well rounded person. I want to start drawing again, I want to get back in shape (well that sentence is not actually correct since I never was that much in shape), I want to tackle the books on my To Read list (I know I have a lot of lists), I want to start writing again. I suddenly find myself with a lot of time on my hands and this is good. I have been running for time almost continuously for the past year (or at least the past 6 months). Now I want to take the time to do something with myself. I never fitted the housewife with 3 children running around bill and I think I never will. So might as well embrace that and embrace the person that I am and that I could be, that I want to be. Balanced, independent, knowledgeable, artistic, self-sufficient. Because while it may bring a lot of joy to live for others, you can only be happy when you live for yourself. And if I may quote the honorable philosopher Bunny, "Love is overrated". So I'd like to propose a toast to circuits and wires and neurons!

Happy New Year everyone!